Stop the films, stop the press, hold the phone calls... is this one correct?

I read a new series of adoption documentaries is hitting local libraries in Chicago... typical seach and reunion stuff, but with a made-in-China twist.

Being the curious pup that I am, I went to the website of the Dr./film-maker and almost fell off my couch.  The title is "My Unforgotten Daughter", and it goes a little like this:

Adoption is a leap of faith, an adventure into the unknown, and an act of love. Each adoption is both a similar and a unique story. Similar, because it is a story of a child finding a loving home, a story of a family embracing a new dream. Unique, because not all stories follow the same line: you go to an orphanage in a distant land and meet the child you have dreamed about. Sometimes, the unexpected can happen…

When Rhoda Island native Meredith Bishop went to an orphanage in southern China to pick up her daughter, Jadra, she confronted an unexpected situation. Jadra had moles and birthmarks all over her body and doctors suspected they might be cancerous and she may not live more than one year. After spending two nights with Jadra in the hotel, Meredith made an extremely difficult and controversial decision: she would send Jadra back to the orphanage and let her daughter die peacefully in China.

However, Jadra did not die. When news of her daughter still alive in the small orphanage in China reached her almost three years later, Meredith knew exactly what she must do. But this time she was facing insurmountable difficulties...

My Unforgotten Daughter tells a touching story of a woman who is resolved to reunite with her daughter. It is a tale of love, choice, courage, and human dignity.

Directed, Written and Produced by Dr. Changfu Chang

So, the Amother returned the damaged goods, thinking she was doing the right thing; then she learned the child "near death" was NOT going to die, so the mom came back to get "her" "unforgotten" daughter, and all live happily ever after.

Is this the new-age international adoption story adoptees are supposed to celebrate?  Amother takes child home, doesn't like what she sees, re-abandons the child  returns the orphan to the orphanage, then leaves, learns a mistake was made, returns to the orphanage, re-claims what was previously purchased, and this is all "touching" and good?  [Anyone seeing this happen for Artem Justin Hansen (Artem Saveliev), the Russian boy, sent "home" with "love"?]

Because if this is the new-pattern to international adoption, I think adoptees expected to change, for the sake of their "chosen" adoptive parents, need to put their glasses on, (or good ol thinking caps) and ask what is going on in the minds of foreigners looking for a good orphan.

This is not a wonderful adoption story; it highlights all that is insane in Adoptionland.  This is crazy.

So is another story, about an AP who wanted to "fix" what was wrong with his little oriental girl:

Today's find comes from an Amother's blog, Adoptiontalk.  Kudos must go for the AP who finally sees just how crazy life can be for the adoptee "chosen" by/for a well-to-do family with some serious identity issues:

The speaker was a proud father. To illustrate his comments about a piece of art that celebrated the wonders of modern medicine (and which he had just donated to a local hospital), he told a story about his adopted Asian daughter. He described her as a beautiful, happy child in whom he took much delight. Her life, he told the audience, had been improved dramatically by the miracle of modern medicine. When she joined her new Caucasian family, her eyes, like those of many people of Asian descent, lacked a fold in the upper eyelid, and that lack was problematic—in his view—because it made her eyes small and sleepy and caused them to shut completely when she smiled. A plastic surgeon himself, he knew she did not need to endure this hardship, so he arranged for her to have surgery to reshape her eyes. The procedure, he explained, was minimally invasive and maximally effective. His beautiful daughter now has big round eyes that stay open and shine even when she smiles.

[From:  Eyes Wide Open:  Surgery to Westernize the Eyes of an Asian Child ]

The hardship this adoptee has to endure has nothing to do with her eyes.  Her hardship has to do with the way in which she is seen by her all-loving, all-accepting Aparent, who also happens to be a nut-job with a medical license and a knife.

[From:  An eye-opening look at the power of an AP

Good grief!  What is wrong with people?


Where does one begin???

OMG!!! I about fell off my chair reading this!


What are these APs going to tell their children when they grow up? What warped sugar coated lies are they going to tell the children?
Hopefully the kids can google themselves and learn that there were people outraged hearing of their story.

I am speechless, I can't even type!

Asian eyes

I cannot tell you how many Korean adoptees I have heard from over the years who's AMom's convinced them to get their eyelids "fixed."

It makes me want to scream--If you don't want a child with Asian eyes DON'T ADOPT FROM ASIA!!!!!

As to the documentary, I am with you. I also wonder what bond did the girl have with this woman? What made her "her daughter"?

I actually agree with not uprooting a child who is certain to die (provided they are being cared for), but what a sense of entitlement to call her "her daughter."

People never cease to amaze me.

We ALL hate something about ourselves...

I adopted 6 times from Asia, and once from Guatemala; each child has a different size and shape to their eyes AND nose...
My oldest has quite small eyes.  When I was in Korea in 88 (he was 6 months old), a store worker said to me (I have small eyes/Irish&Scots), "LOOK, baby has your eyes!"  I was flattered.

My daughter has larger eyes; but last year she wanted to use make-up and found it difficult to use mascara... SOOOO, she decided she wanted some of that stuff in a tube that holds the eye open (yeah, right...) SOOOO we bought some on eBay (of course).   She tried, and then had me try, but no matter what we did, the stupid sticky stuff would clump on her eyelid and we had to wash it off.  We had a good laugh.  Her friend told her," DON'T DO THAT; I LOVE your Asian eyes!"  So now, my daughter lines her lid and uses shadow, but NO mascara; and it is fine.

My son from Guatemala HATES his nose... and I'll bet, when he makes his first million, he has a nose-job...  but it will be HIS decision, not anyone else.  In fact, he grumbles and says, "THANKS ancestors..."  and then he laughs.  I don't see anything abnormal about his feelings.  I HATE that I have tree-stumps for legs, and sometimes GRRRR about the great-aunts my parents used to tell me I took after... THANKS ancestors...

In fact, I'm going to ask my oldest son (23) what he thinks about this article (AP fixed daughters eyes).  No one in our family has even mentioned his eyes; don't know about the world as he lives it, and comes in contact with...  he'll be honest.  Just curious. Hadn't given it much thought.  I'll bet that AF has issues from his own past to cause him to do such a thing.

We all have different eye shapes, and nose shapes, and .... oops, better not go there.  LOL

And about that woman who went back to get HER daughter... how sad...


Personal POV

You know... it's one thing (normal) to not like a physical quality of our own.  It's a completely different thing, (?!?), for a parent or spouse (or any "loved one") to convince the other person that questionable physical trait or quality does in fact need to be fixed or changed, for aesthetic reasons.

The dynamic in "what is pleasing" changes, dramatically.

And the person expected to change sees others, "self", and what it takes to be pleasing, in a whole new way.

At least, that has been my experience, each time I had to alter my body, to please another.


Westernizing children via surgery...

I couldn't agree with all of you more on this. Now that I got up off the floor from falling off my chair and blood is running through my veins again, I have a few words about this to share. There are two separate stories in this thread, one about the mother who left "her" child in China and the other about a plastic surgeon doing eye surgery to "correct" an eyefold. Let me address the latter first:

To me it is about Westernizing children to the point of surgery. There is something very disturbing about this. Come on people, what message does this send a child about race power?! Sigh. It is one thing for an adult to elect to do this, but for a child to have their appearance changed? Again, I am puzzled that an AP would elect to do this, especially after all the wonderful workshops that they took on ICA and living with a multicultural child (insert sarcastic tone of your choice). Can't wait to read that child's blog in the future.

Regarding the first story, I don't know all the details about the story and I am hoping that the media left out many pockets of the story and I am also hope that it is more complex than what is written in a blurb, but with that just sounds like another elitist AP story to me. I don't want to sound harsh but to leave a child in the child's birth country may sound poetic, but in reality is sounds cruel because it is not the perfect child of your referral dreams and it doesn't sound too compassionate to me to leave a sick child referred to you in their birth country. I would think that more medical assistance in the US would have helped the child ease her suffering as well as being held in the arms of loving parents, but heck, that's just me. Then fast forward years later, the child is still alive and then the mother and her daughter are reunited. I missing something here? Parenting is more than paperwork. One earns the title of parent.

Re: "My Unforgotten Daugher"

Re: "My Unforgotten Daugher" -- I don't understand. How is this woman still considered the girl's mother after leaving her in China to die from what could easily have been treatable (in N. America) skin cancer? Did she not bother to have her daughter's health consulted on? Mother? Such a title should not be bestowed upon someone so selfish and self-serving. *My* Unforgotten Daughter? A reunion?

Gimme a break.

Also, the second story is some major bullshit. Who screens these AP? Probably the same folks who enter their kids into beauty pageants.

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