Pound Pup Legacy

I did it again.  I made a seemingly random, odd and obscure connection to a theme that many see and recognize, but few write about.  I posted a sample of another person's writing about animals and their relationship to love and trust's growing pains.  [see: A Lesson on Love from Cats]

I'll be honest, I don't like cats.  Never did.  I also believe cats don't like me.  It's a Trust Issue, no doubt.  I was attacked by a cat once when I was babysitting a kid I didn't like very much.  Looking back, I realize it was the father I didn't like because he seemed creepy.  Ironically, the girl was adopted, yet I felt no personal connection with her because she liked cats.  All it took was one bad-experience with a vicious, scary cat, and I refuse to like cats.  Ok, I'm allergic to them too, but it seems most true-blue dog-people don't go for cat-people, anyway.  I don't make the rules, I just write about them.  Contrary to some opinions, humans ARE animals, as we sense things, we smell things, we feel things our minds can't always explain.  I believe such senses belong to a group called Instincts, and all kidding associations aside, I think the more we relate to animals, the better we will become as a single species.

I think a lot about kids being left alone with strangers, and it saddens me.  I'm sensitive to the sense of abandonment and fear, so I feel things that seem unrelated to me.  As an adoptee who was taken-in by unrelated strangers, my outside perspective on family-closeness and unity always made perfect sense to me.  However, those close to me simply say I'm over-sensitive and I think too much.  Perhaps.  Maybe, instead, I simply see life through different eyes than those kept within their original family name:  If a child can be torn and separated from his own parent's love and protection, how else can a child feel but vulnerable and afraid?

In fact, one doesn't have to be a child to experience fear.

Ever see a grown man cry like a baby?

I have seen men writhing on the floor crying, many times, both in a personal and professional context.  And each-time I would see a strong man weak from loss, or fear of loss, it would break me, too.  I understand that fear and pain, because it's painfully familiar to me.  There is something so intrinsically core in each of us wanting and needing a mommy-figure when we are weak and afraid.  Sure, as adults, we may know "even strong tough-guys have weak-spots", and people are born to cry, but for some reason, many of us forget what it's like to be afraid and insecure, and in need of a soft shoulder that smells of sweetness, not musk. 

In my heart of hearts, I believe every man needs a Good Woman in his life, and every woman needs a female-friend.  Whether that woman is a sexual-partner or not, that is accademic, because the simple-logic of that statement makes sense to me:  each one of us was born from a woman.  Period.

Some people are drawn to certain causes and types of people, because a certain call comes to a person's heart and soul.  In my case, I am drawn to mean stoic tough-guys.  Why?  Because underneath the strong faces, I see little boys not wanting to get hurt.  For some reason, boys aren't allowed to feel weak and afraid because fathers tell them to "take care of your sisters/mother while I'm away".  I see and hear hub-man say that to our boys, and although I see the pride in their eyes thinking "Daddy thinks I can take care of things around the house", I see myself back when I was a little girl, always feeling like I had to be tough and strong for my dad, because my mother wasn't.  The stress and pressure to be more than I was at the time was too much.  The result has grown into an isolated animal in need of her own kind, of like spirit and mind. I may want to purr like a kitten, and scratch with claws, but instead I bite with my teeth, bark like a dog, and whimper alone with my tail between my legs when I'm hurt or afraid.  Don't touch me when I'm wounded, because I will growl, but know too, deep inside of me there is a creature inside of me wanting to be held and adored.

Is every human capable of heart-felt compassion?  Truthfully?  I don't think so.  Just as in nature, I believe there are some born with certain mutations and/or deformities; and some are simply born into terrible situations at unfortunate times.  I believe God makes this so we can learn from different types of people, from different life-experiences, proving we are each born different for a reason and purpose that goes beyond our own life and minds.  I like to think each one of us is born to work towards a common-good, so no one person is left-behind to suffer alone.  However, I'm not stupid enough to think that pain and misery is not part of this diabolic world, and I'm not sweet enough to think every human being is born with the ability to learn and change.  All one has to do is read the Bible or a science book to see that survival of the fittest exists, and in a way, those chosen to live are the ones strong enough to survive the dangers of strife and rigors of life.  It's nature's way to weed-out the weak.  It's God's wish for each to be strong.

ALL mammals are born not to be solitary creatures.  It takes a mother and father to create the young, and it takes two to raise and teach that little life how to grow smart and strong. Yet some of us were left-behind by our own parents, at very young tender ages and stages of development.  I ask the rhetorical question, "Why?", because my child-like heart still needs to bleed that out once in a while.  I'm funny that way... I think, I feel, and therefore I am what I am.  Strange, yes; indifferent, NO!

As an adult, as a mom, and as a Nurse... I can appreciate the need for a parent to leave his or her child behind, in the care of a responsible human being.  Even in the animal kingdom, it takes two adults to care and provide for a baby.  One travels to hunt and provide, while the other stays to watch and protect. Unfortunately for humans, the years of child-dependence on an adult is years longer and more draining than the fast-paced nature of the wild, so the logistics of a parent staying home with baby may be severley cut-short.  In my mind, that's a sad shame.  The truth is, many factors come into place when faced with the decision of "who will take care of my baby?", and of course, these are personal issues that deserve time and attention from each parent facing the needs and demands of each child that parent helped create.   Rather than dwell of the semantics, I'd rather state an opinion I am able to state because I have experienced child-birth four times over:  no mother, in her right mind, would leave a part of her own body to animals, unless she was forced to succumb to pressures outside her own free-will.  Even if a woman is terrified and afraid she can't care for her own child, a mother would rather suffocate her own baby than leave her baby with a stranger who may attack and devour her young.  That is instinct, as even in the wild, a mother will eat her own young if that little-one is prey to a pacing predator.  [read: Mom-to-Be and My Female Ate Her Young].  What a mother is told about the care her baby will receive, and what actually happens to that baby, in the world of foster-care, adoption and day-care, are not always the same thing.  Strange things can happen when a stranger takes another woman's baby.

So what am I saying in my very long-winded, winding road of word-salad?

Not every adult was raised by loving, caring, compassionate feeling parents.  Not every child is granted good parental replacements.  The fact is, life sucks for those abandoned and neglected by those paid to help serve children in-need of good, loving, attentive and forgiving parent-figures.  I believe there is a very strong connection between neglect and crime, and I would dare to guess that a major portion of our prison population is from a foster-care system that has failed it's parents and children.  So how does this translate into the here and now?  I believe now that the children of the Closed Era of Adoption are all grow-up, and many are parents/grandparents themselves, responsible adoption advocates and social service workers need to look at the effect adoption has on a child, and ask: is adoption the best option for a child, given all that we know now about a parent's natural need to love and protect their own?  Are social scientists doing children a favor by removing them from a problem that is in desperate need of help, assistance and fixing?

All one has to do is look at our prison populations to see how state-standards run and operate.  Are State Employees to blame?  How can they be blamed for shifty deals made between politician and fund-raising constituents behind lobby-doors?  State prisons, as well as State Programs, like foster-care are, well... state funded.  The state-employee doesn't make the laws, he's just paid (sometimes very poorly) to enforce or follow them.  Anyone paid a state-salary knows, Private Ownership is where the money is at.  No where is Good Guy v. Bad Guy seen more than the politics of state-funding.  When it comes to a mother and her baby, it's sad how people become slaves to the economy, isn't it?

In the black and white world of Good v. Bad, do I think criminals (convicted or not) ought to be excused from their anti-social, self-serving, scary ways of reasoning or behaving, simply because "crime is everywhere"?  No.  Do I think all criminals and all crimes are all the same?  No.  Do I think criminals need to pay for their mistakes in wrong-doing?  Yes.  It's called responsibility and accountability, and no person is excused from moral-decency.  I also believe all people deserve an element of compassion and kindness in terms of exploring the age-old question:  What the hell happened here?   After all, mistakes are human, and with fault comes fall.  The right thing to do is clean the mess, find areas of weakness and decay, and start repairing the parts that need improving.  With time, effort and serious attention to the lessons learned from past mistakes, we just might be able to live in a world where a mom does not have to question "who will help me take care of my baby?".  A mother needs a partner, not a replacement, when it comes to child-care.

PPL is slowly revealing it's own breed of pet-projects.  My area of interest revolves around the prison population, and I must admit, this is a very odd labor of love, indeed.  You see, I was adopted by a couple who just so happens to have had family members (on both sides) serve time inside state prisons.  Both men were convicted of drug-related crimes, and both were huge influences in my life.  I bet neither one knows that, too.  As far as I knew, both of these men were good decent guys who got caught doing something they knew they shouldn't be doing.  If memory serves me right, the only real difference between them and an adoptee-by-marriage is quite amusing: two non-adoptees admitted to using drugs, were put in prison because new mandatory minimums were issued for "using", meanwhile the third-person of the same age-group, did not suffer any incarcerated consequence because he claimed innocence.  How come? [readers can judge for themselves, go to http://www.nndb.com/people/427/000026349/, http://www.imao.us/archives/001593.html, or,  http://politicalhumor.about.com/cs/quotethis/a/clintonquotes.htm ]

I have been razed to see the bad in everyone around me, yet I am always able to see the good... even if it's as small as a Life Lesson or little reminder that no one knows what happens between two people when the doors are closed, and backs are turned away.  Blind justice falls on deaf ears sometimes, and in many cases, the ones needing the most help are given the least attention. 

Starting with the United States in PPL's Around the World pages, you will find a page for each state.  [For example, Indiana.]  On each page, you will find statistics and seemingly unrelated information about prisons and child-family services.  There is a reason and purpose behind this presentation.  As you read the statistical information, ask yourself, "How many people were taken away from their mothers and families because The State said, 'we can provide better'?"  Then ask, how much time, money and interest is each state investing in each child's and parent's our safety and wellbeing?  And above all else, ask, who is watching the children, if parents are being locked-up in state prisons and social services can't keep-up with the demands their duty to each child placed in the foster-care system dictates?  It seems to me, parents need help parenting, and our prison-systems need extra attention in this area.  I believe there are many people in our prisons needing parenting classes because they were robbed of a loving childhood.  I believe there are many being held in prison because they fit a quota more than a criminal profile, and I believe there are services in our communities ready, willing and able to help those needing help... all they need is a captive audience and interested parties to help support these programs.

For me, personally and professionally, I believe the greatest gift anyone can give is Human Kindness.  Sometimes that life-lesson is best seen through the eyes of an animal-in-training.  [see:  Prison Programs.]