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re-home-ing

Submitted by Rinda on Tue, 2010-07-06 04:33.

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I sometimes visit a site called chask.org.... in a big way I support their mission, which is to find a new home for these kids without putting them through additional trauma of public foster care; but post like the one below and so many of the others that end up there just continue to make me think; just home many of these kids are truly being hurt by the dx of RAD; it is like some quack can say the kid has RAD, and low a behold it is okay to give up on them...  that part of the whole mess really makes me sick

5-year-old Frazer needs a very experienced family 

             Frazer was born November 15, 2004 in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. She was born to a single mother who later died of AIDS when Frazer was 2 1/2. Frazer is HIV positive. Frazer's grandparents were able to raise her for another year before they placed her in an orphanage where they could manage her HIV+ status.
             Since Frazer has been in the United States, she has had her tonsils and adenoids removed as well as extensive dental work. She has also had quarterly visits with an infectious disease specialist who monitors her HIV status. So far, she has been really healthy and doesn't require the HIV medicine - yet.

            Frazer was horribly sexually abused in Ethiopia.  She is presently acting-out the behaviors forced on her, including fondling, oral and predatory style behavior. She also self stimulates under stress. She was placed in a respite home for all of April, 2010 and acted out toward 4 younger children in that home. Transitions and changes make her anxious which seems to magnify her sexually acting out.  This 5-year-old girl is desperately in need of a family that can help her work through these searing memories and move on.
            In January of 2010, Frazer was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). For RAD, she has been seeing a specialized RAD therapist, has been doing horse riding therapy and just recently started attending a specialized school for kids with behavioral issues
                        RAD is a very confusing disorder for those who aren't familiar with it. To the outside world, Frazer is very engaging, cute, bubbly, and charming. In reality, all these behaviors are a form of manipulation that is brought on by past trauma and her need to survive. The manipulation is a form of control that keeps her safe in her own mind. As opposed to most RAD cases, Frazer is not destructive or violent. She is the opposite - "sticky sweet" and "sappy sad" and emotional. With the RAD, Frazer is not deeply attached to anyone or anything.

                        Frazer is very bright and intelligent. She picked up English in 3 months. She has the ability to be very nurturing and intuitive. She loves to dance and sing... and we consider these to be natural talents.  She is hyper-vigilant when it comes to her environment. She often "listens" and understands, even when you don't think she is paying attention. Being that most of her positive qualities stem from the RAD diagnosis, we believe with the right treatment, these qualities will turn out to be her "real" personality and greatest strengths.

                      On occasion, we have seen the "real" Frazer. She is screaming inside to be a "good kid" who wants to love a family. Her past trauma is just preventing that from becoming a reality at the moment.

Our Expectations for Frazer's new family:  

1.    Frazer's new family needs to be educated in RAD and understands boundaries and limits.
2.     With her sexualized behavior, it is un-safe for her be around younger children and even children her own age or a little older. She needs to heal from the trauma she's faced, by not giving her opportunity to re-enact when under stress.
3.   Older siblings (no siblings under the age of 13) would be good to have. 
4.   Everyone in the family (and extended family and church family) needs to be educated and understand what having a sexually traumatized child around means. The family needs to be an "experienced" family with the resources and willingness to provide the therapy and tools Frazer needs to heal.
5.   Frazer may not be "safe" in a standard school system right away.
As a placement family, we are only interested in the best interests for Frazer. We are open to communicating with potential adoptive parents who we feel could be a good match for her. We are dedicated to a smooth transition and even help down the road as needed if it is within our means.
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I hope Fraser can find an Ethiopian family

Submitted by Marion_Cullen on Fri, 2010-07-09 01:39.

Or at least a Black parent that can at least prepare her for the onslaught of growing up a Black/African woman in a bigot society that privileges whites. Someone who knows something about the basics of her original context I bet can help her.

It would also help if the family, of whatever stripe, knew something about kids with a history in the medical establishment, which can be brutal enough to adults and outright traumatic to children, especially children in a care situation who are being told every assault done to them is for their own good.

What's likely to happen, though, is some do gooder bunch of Christian bigots, probably white, to prove something to themselves will acquire Fraser. There are rare moments where I feel like I wish I could adopt a little one who is so vulnerable and has so many strikes against her, ones that I share myself. I felt that reading about Fraser.

Alas, the queers adopting is bad for the children. So that's no solution.

Desperate AP's Determined to Dump and Run

Submitted by Kerry on Fri, 2011-12-23 16:00.

Disturbingly, I found from the same source, an ad for a child who was adopted at 6 months, but at the age of  six, it would seem she has somehow developed into a child her forever APs no longer want.  [All quoted text comes from:  http://www.chask.org/waitingchildren.htm ]

According to the write-up:

She has never bonded to myself or my husband. She has a brother that is 8 and has bonded with him just fine. She has a younger sister that she tends to pick on constantly

And later it states:

We took her to a therapist where they thought that she had attachment disorder. I agree that she has no bond with myself or my husband, but she has bonded quite easily with other people such as her Sunday school teacher and my other family. She does not display most of the other symptoms of RAD. She is not outright violent, or have any sexual issues. She is not hyper and can be very loving to others. She has been known to lie a few times about small things such as ripping up a bad grade paper and hiding it. In the past she had problems with chewing her nails and hair, but she no longer does these habits.

My, how quick they were to label!  Her biggest trouble and problem for these advertising Christian parents seems to be associated with a personality trait -- she likes to dominate.

She is very good with older kids and adults but she likes to be the dominate one in the group of kids smaller than her to the point of telling the younger ones what to do and sometimes taking their toys away. Her teacher says that she is top in her class, but she can be very bossy with the other kids.

Once again, if the adopted child does not bond with the parent, or behave as the AP wishes, it MUST be RAD or some type of attachment disorder, something that would prove it's the child, not the parent, who is damaged and defective.

When it is the adoptive parent who states something like,   "It breaks my heart because I long for the love that she is willing to give to others, but for some reason cannot share with myself and my husband." , it behooves the rest of us to recognize who has the problem.  Hint:  it is NOT the child, but the jealous AP, determined to call it quits.  Nice so-called Christian family values.

Question:  If no physical or sexual abuse is taking pace, when is abandoning and uprooting a child - separating her from those she loves - ever in a child's best interest?

<shaking head in pure disgust>

I would love to know how many of these dump and run ads are found on adoption websites, and what the DOS and sending countries are doing about underground "re-homing" groups focused on the once much wanted adoptees that no longer "fit". 

Yesterday, I looked into

Submitted by Niels on Fri, 2011-12-23 17:03.

Yesterday, I looked into this CHASK organization, which appears to be a registered business name of the National Challenged Homeschoolers Associated Network (NATTHAN), a Christian group dedicated to families home schooling special needs children.

NATTHAN/CHASK is a mom and pop shop run by Thomas and Sherry Bushnell from their home in Kootenai National Forrest, just across the border of Montana, in the Idaho panhandle.

I wasn't able to find the credentials of Thomas Bushnell, but apparently Sherry is a mid-wife, running the Lavender and Roses Birth & Mothering Center, in Libby, MT.

As is often the case with Christian-based groups, there is an abundance of zeal, but very little formal training in the field they operate in. Sure a mid-wife knows a lot about pregnancies and deliveries, but that doesn't make her an expert in the placement and re-homing of children.

This shows in their presentation of children on their re-homing page, presenting children as second-hand goods. Among the current batch, there are two that are old enough to find the ad for their re-homing, and so do their peers. Just think about the impact it has on a child to be listed on the internet as damaged goods.

The listing, with photo, description and email address of the adoptive parents, also makes it sometimes possible to locate these children. Of one of the children, I was able to figure out the neighbourhood he lives in with relative ease. Haven't these CHASK people ever heard of predators, or do they not care?

It's already appalling enough that some adopters don't stand by the children they received through thick and thin, but it's even more disturbing when this ridding of the kid takes place in the public sphere.

I bet they do.

Submitted by Marion_Cullen on Tue, 2012-01-03 05:23.

She loves to dance and sing... and we consider these to be natural talents.

No doubt. Aren't they always. /sarcasm

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