The man who impregnated the woman who birthed me, aka my bio-father, was better without me.
My birth-mother, aka, first mom, was better without me.
My Aparents, aka my saviors, were better without me and the reminders I could bring, once I confessed my childhood (adoptive family) experiences, (the rapes, the molestations, the beatings).
<HUGE BIG BREATH>
My life... it has been an unwanted burden. A burden others could do without.... all burdens put upon me.
<deep, deep, deeper cleansing breath>
I try not to think about how many have been better-off, WITHOUT me. [It's too easy a thought to think]
I try not to think... and yet still I must recognize my own personal grief. [Someone has to.... someone has to take responsibility for my future, for myself.]
I'm told we're blessed with our curses and cursed with our blessings.
All I know: life has been one big purgatory, filled with all sorts of losses, mistakes, and grief... the worst of the worst not actually chosen by me.
It's not easy mourning the many losses... but I'm beginning to see -- my life is much better without certain types of (cowardly) people.