I try not to do it... I try not to look, knowing how it will trigger me.
I try not to read about infertile women looking for babies, but I did it today, because I'm a masochist, and it seems like today is a good day for pain.
Today's find involves yet another infertile blogger, advising others how to find a baby. Yes, Virginia, there are many like you, wanting to know oh-so-desperately, "what needs to happen so a baby can be delivered, ASAP?"
First thing first, desperate infertile couples are told they must find a good lawyer... you know, one who knows how to make sure said "legally adopted" baby will never have to be returned to any first-family members... because the law is The Law.
Next on the list of things to do is, prepare for a home study. Key word: prepare.
This particular blogger writes:
Adoption home studies are required by adoption courts in order to demonstrate that the adoptive parents is a suitable candidate for parenthood.Adoption home studies can be performed by state approved Licensed Clinical Social Workers or professionals with proper credentials.The Department of Human Services for your state can recommend a number of qualified adoption home study professionals. Additionally, your family law attorney, as described above, can help you to find an adoption home study professional. [From: How to Get the Private Adoption of a Child Done ]
I had a good giggle over that, wondering what sort of home-study my AP's had, through their private service. How did they prepare for future approval? Did they lie, or did they simply not give many details? Did they send photos of my Amother cooking a Thanksgiving turkey... like she posed for every year? [Key word: posed. That was always a good family joke... her cooking a family dinner!] Or did they hide a more realistic portrait of the woman, you know, the one of her lying in bed, where she was almost always found, immobilized by misery? Did they send photos of a room, that would one day be their very much wanted baby-girl's bedroom? Or did they make sure the carnage left after a pre-existing family member's royally pissed temper tantrum was cleaned, really good? Did they have extended family members interviewed, proving sibling rivalry and demented family dysfunction was in fact, the cornerstone of every single holiday/family event? Or did they simply pay the extra money, and let the private lawyer take care of all those pesky details? All these questions, with no honest answers, swim in my head that aches to bang on a wall, asking over and over, how did they get approved?
Next stop out of Infertileville is Package Presentation. For those uber-desperate, it's suggested a family resume and cover letter be written, so any and all third party individuals can see what a great family this unknown, not-obtained-yet child can have. This presenting package is supposed to include photos, a copy of the home-study, and reasons why this infertile couple should be chosen to have another person's newborn. Apparently this is not the place to put history of hysterical illness or lists of prescribed medications used by either prospective parent looking to care for a newborn, with many demanding "special needs". This is not where couples should mention the extended family members that could easily be seen as "a bad risk". This is not where people are encouraged to expose family secrets. No... this is the page that needs to look ideal...perfect, for any lucky child lovingly chosen for adoption.
Last but not least, eager-for-baby-people are told to kick their search and union with the perfect mom up a notch, and sell, sell, sell their parenting-pitch to any and all who will listen.
Tell everybody that you know that you want to adopt a child. Ask your friends, colleagues and neighbors to help you to spread the word for you.Take a copy of your adoption package to every religious leader in your community, asking them to contact you if any of their worship members should come forward wanting to adopt out a child.Also, take a copy of your adoption package to every family medical clinic and obstetrics and gynecological clinic in your community. Attempt to meet personally with a physician in each clinic, where possible, in order to demonstrate your sincerity and to obtain their professional support.
Or, they can get on Bethany's waiting list.... I hear they do a real good service, convincing unwed mothers married couples with cash and a dream make much better parents. But seriously folks.... take your adoption package to every family medical clinic and ob/gyn clinic in your community? Is this really what we want desperate infertile women to do -- beg clergy, doctors and mothers to "adopt out" babies for the infertile???
I'm told over and over again the good AP's should not be lumped with the bad. I agree, a significant number of people should be removed from all adoption-pools, because these self-serving people are not thinking beyond their own desperate needs. Unfortunately, they have all it takes to get a baby from a not-so-concerned private adoption lawyer/agency...determination and money.
I read over and over again, adoption is a self-less act. I also notice in my readings, abuse post placement does not take place immediately. It often takes place once the much desired child stopped being cute, sweet, and agreeable. [Or as the case may be for the pedophile, more "desirable".]
Just because someone knows how to write a killer cover-letter, or can do a kick-ass scrap-book page for any and all to see, does that really prove that person is indeed decent future parent-material?