Pound Pup Legacy

Today I read a blog written by an Adoptive Mother, who claims it took six months to write a piece about mothering a newly adopted child from Ethiopia.

We got out of the hospital on Mother's Day and I realized I felt totally disconnected from my other kids from not having spent much time with them at all in the last month, and also from this baby whom I had been spending all my time with, but who I really didn't know b/c all that time was spent with doctors and medicines and hospitals. Well, NOW I was ready for that joyous family of 6 thing. But again, it didn't happen. Instead, I began to get to know our newest little lady and guess what? She was NOT fun at all!! She screamed all. the. time. LOUDLY. And a LOT. As in ALWAYS. The only thing that would even come close to getting her to stop was to hold her, all the time, and no, not in a carrier. It was exhausting. And I wanted her to stop, a LOT. Not to mention that her screaming would then set my 2 year old into a wailing, inconsolable crying fit of her own and we spent many a day with 2 very loudly wailing children next to me on the floor while I silently wept, amongst great Mt. Everest's of laundry and heaps of dirty dishes and tumbleweeds of dog fur on unvacuumed floors, and asked God why He had called us to THIS? Was this what we had prayed for, hoped for, wanted, anticipated so eagerly for the last year? Is this what all of our friends and family had been so excited about? Had we misunderstood what God asked us to do and this was the consequences? I felt like I couldn't function normally in any way and it felt like my family was all coming unglued. And the biggest panic I had was that I COULD NOT GET OUT OF IT. I debated giving AGCI (our agency) a call and asking "What is your return policy?"

[From:  Talk is Sheep:  International Adoption:  Behind the Blogs ]

I'm an adult adoptee mother to four... my last two were "surprise" twins -- a  biologic "gift" given to me from the birth mother I was never allowed to know. My first was perfect, although she never liked to sleep or ride in the car.  My second had colic and grew to become a modern-living-version of Bamm-Bamm, complete with swinging bat bruising my legs and the dog. My twins were born very healthy... 6.7 lbs and 7.2 lbs.  [Yes, I was H-U-G-E].  However, one had GERD, another was tested for Cystic Fibrosis and both (quickly) developed asthma. [Not knowing what sort of family (medical) history you have can be very upsetting, especially when you are watching your infant turn gray than blue, from not being able to breathe.  Correction, it is terrifying. Thinking your baby is not going to live changes many things.]  At four months of age, as I sat nursing my twin babies, I watched two planes plow into the twin towers.  Hub-man was immediately called to work ground-zero -- he works for the NJ State Police.  For those who care, feel free to read more about me and my mothering experience that first year with unexpected hardship, and how that taught me I had to learn how to cope with stress, or else.  [See:  Length of stay ]

Why do I mention all of this?

Because this... stress, crisis, unwanted crap happening... is PARENTING, and it's nothing like the movies, sit-coms, or commercials make it, not matter how <ahem> realistic media tries to spoon feed it to Prozac-ed people.

Parenting sucks like no one can prepare you... and it's a secret parents keep from those wishing to become parents, just like married people don't tell newly engaged couples marriage sucks.

This is the beauty behind Group Secrets.  And this is why skits like what's featured here, Lucky Louie - problems raising your child?,  make so many people with children laugh.

We don't tell these things to unsuspecting victims of a traditional system because as much as misery loves company, nothing is funnier than the expression on the face of the love-lost optimist who gets a healthy dose of God-Given reality.  [I don't make the rules, I just follow them like the rest of parenting cattle fooled into thinking marriage and parenting leads to instant youth-restoring Nirvana.]

I'm bloody sick of AP's thinking parenting an adopted child is going to be bliss... and expecting all sorts of sympathy when parenting for them is very much like parenting for those with biologic off-spring.  It's hard and frustrating... and incredibly difficult when you have no support, isn't it?!

News flash for all wanting to raise the perfect child within the perfect environment... parenting is a job, one that's very difficult, even under the most pleasant circumstances.  Truth is, even the very strong and brave find after a few days, weeks, months or years parenting ain't as the brochures depict it.  Parenting stinks and it's definitely for the birds... especially if you have blood clots the size of softballs coming out of your nether-regions and infected breasts.   [At least birds can leave the nest and within a few months, the damn screaming demanding wet-around-the-beak babies are full-fledged flying adults finding twigs and worms for their own damning off-spring.]

But here's the beauty... you can love the children, but still hate the job.  Hating the crap that comes with parenting doesn't make you a bad person... it makes a new-parent human and honest and.... private-chat-worthy.  [I write as one who, for the first 5 years did everything perfectly... and was hated by many.]

The way I see it,  the only problem arises when the unprepared parent actually sends a child away for good, thinking having that child was a mistake or claiming that child is damaged goods.  In my mind, there is no worse thing ANY parent can do to his/her own gifted child.... nothing is worse for a child than knowing you were sent-away, for good.