"The more things change, the more things stay the same." How true this is for me.
I fear being ALONE. Yet I don't know how to manage well with another person always around me.
I enjoy the company of others, but only in small controlled doses.
Loud noise is obnoxious to me, and fake sincerity is a stench I can smell miles away from me.
I am a loner, yet hate being alone, even on websites.
When I come to the website I anally check two things. I check New Comments and Visitors.
These are my vital-statistics.
Am I alone in my opinion, and am I alone in my interest in razed adoptees? The numbers tell me I have found the right path.
For now I lead in lonely formation, but in my heart of hearts, I expect the silent soliloquy to change.
The statistical data from the web-host page tells me I am visited daily by people around the globe.
We have lovely maps and flags to show our numbers.
Yet, it's the number I see written at the bottom of each page that inspires me.
PPL is busy with silent visitors.
People ARE reading the message I am sending.
That message is simple: Help is needed for those who got hurt by and through the adoption system.
We are a number large in international audience, but we are a silent (and deadly) group that remains unseen and unfelt by popular vote and decision.
One day, that will be changed... and I can only hope and pray God will allow me this opportunity to vent the voice that cries in pained isolation: "I do not want to be ALONE any more".
We are not Alone; we simply need to find the voice that speaks the truth, and let it grow in length and volume.
I am a beginning.
The rest of my silent brothers and sisters will give rise to their voice when they are strong and ready.
I will wait, and do what I have to do to keep the message alive... and pray others will join me in an interest in people and places that go beyond my own life-experience.
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alone, sort of
I totally recognize this. I live on my own. well sort of, cause I can't stand living all by myself. I used to own a house I had all to myself, but I hated being all by myself all of the time, yet I don't really like living with other people either. I like to hear the sounds of people living in the same house and like knowing I am not all alone, yet I wouldn't want to spend all the time in the world with other people either. And it's all in the details, isn't it. I wouldn't want to be surrounded by noise and overt presence of other people, but sutble reminders on a constant basis I am not all alone sustain me.