As good as new

On a Yahoo Group I found the inventory of an adoption agency of children available for adoption as a result of disruptions.

GIRL age 11 4/10/1996 Poland Adopted and came to the US
1993. Diagnose PTSD, RAD. Past abuse issues inappropriate behavior
with younger children. Sister to Sebastian. 6th grade IEP special
education clased.

GIRL age 13 11/13/1994 Russia Adopted in 2002, disrupted by
orginally family in 2006. 2nd family now disrupting. RAD, ODD. 7th
grade excellent grades, does well w/younger children.

BOY age 9 1/17/1998 Romania Adopted and came tot he US
5/2000. Sweet loving boy with a huge heart. History of Asthma, ADHD,
Tourette Syndrome, microcephaly,possible FAE. 3rd grade on IEP
reading, writing and math.

GIRL age 14 11/8/1992 US Adopted from foster care in
2001. Finished 8th grade. Receives support in Math and social
skills are not age appropriate. She is immature. Does well with
peers and older children. Tends to be bossy & aggressive w/younger
kids. Would do best as an only or the youngest child.

BOY age 14 7/24/1993 Russia Adopted 11/2004. Does well
in school ( homeschooled) about 2 yrs behind peers. Problems with
lying. Can be kind and helpful. Has a good sense of humor. No
medication, physically healthy.

GIRL age 15 3/12/1993 Haiti Adopted in 2006, 8th grade
student. Hard time making new friends can be shy. Takes medication
for depression. Some oppositional behavior. Loves to cook and is

GIRL age 7 11/12/2000 US Adopted at age 3, possible
exposure in-utero to drugs/alcohol. RAD, PTSD, ODD. Has never been
in therap. No medications. 1st grade does well in school.

BOY age 9 7/14/1998 Russia Adopted 10/04. Currently @
The Ranch for Kids. Enjoys sports, tractors and trucks. Takes
medication at night for sleep. Diagnosed PTSD. The current
caregiver reports he is a very nice boy and they have not seen the
behaviors reported by the family.

GIRL age 12 6/19/1996 Russia 5th grade ESL support.
Behind educationally. Diagnosed RAD,ODD,ADHD possible PTSD.
Currently not in therapy.many children in the home w/single parent.
Bio sister staying in home.

GIRL age 13 3/1/1995 Kazakhstan Adopted in 2001.
currently w/ respite provider. Making good progress. No meds,
diagnosis is RAD not Bipolar.

BOY age 13 9/24/1994 US Adopted in 2004 as a private
adoption. Self contained classroom an d fulltime aid. No medication
or therapy, but is diagnosed RAD, Lying, stealing and food issues.

BOY age 6 7/19/2001 US Adopted @ 8 days old.
Diagnosed Bipolar,ODD, mild RAD. Medication, physically & verbally
aggressive. 1st grade self contained classroom.

GIRL age 12 7/3/1995 Russia Adopted in 2004. 6th grade
makes A's & B's on student council. Involved in sports. Past anger
issues that have improved with counseling and medication.

GIRL age 13 7/24/1994 Ukraine Adopted 2003. Can be
immature around peers, does better with younger kids. 7th grade IEP,
receives average grades. Medication for ADHD. RAD symptoms but no
formal diagnosis. Loves animals.

GIRL age 12 12/19/1995 Panama Adopted July 2007, currently
in respite care. No behavioral concerns in respite. Care provider
and parent feel behavioral is parenting issue. 6th grade need support
to catch up. No medication.

GIRL age 14 7/2/1993 Romania Adopted @ age 6, abandoned @
birth. Does well in school and sports. Responds to structure, no
history of sexualized behavior. History of aggression, suicidial
ideation, RAD. Currently in large family w/sibs close in age.

GIRL age 11 4/28/1997 Columbia Adopted in 2006,
history of physical abuse by birth parents. Has been aggressive in
past. PTSD, RAD . In 4th grade IEP and ESL no education before
coming to US.

BOY age 11 8/10/1996 US Adopted in 1997 from foster
care. Diagnosed ADHD,RAD OFF all medications. Interacts well with
peers and older children. Currently @ the Ranch for kids doing
well in a family setting home.

BOY age 12 6/14/1995 US Adopted from foster care in
1999. Currently with a respite provider since 2006. IEP small
classroom. Easily distracted, competes for attention. RAD but no

BOY age 8 9/28/1999 US Adopted 11/99. Diagnosed
Autistic but is considered high functioning. Intelligent but hard
time communicating. Few behavioral problems. No medication. 2nd grade
special education. Loves to watch the weather channel!

BOY age 13 12/14/1994 Poland Adopted and came to the US
2/04. 7th grade special ed w/ IEP. No behavioral concerns at school.
Past abuse issues. Inappropriate behavior with younger children.
RAD, PTSD, ADD. Currenting in treatment center make huge

BOY age 13 11/3/1994 Brazil Adopted 2005. Diagnosed w/
major depression and PTSD. A victim of sexual abuse and has a
history of inappropriately touching his younger siblings. Currently
in RTC. Finished the 7th grade and does well in school. Currently in

BOY age 8 4/1/2000 Guatemala Adopted 8/2006. 5
younger siblings in the home. Currently homeschooled. Not in therapy,
mom thinks RAD. Jealous w/ younger kids. Dev delays. Does well
with adults and older children.


Which came first?

I see almost each child needing a second chance has the RAD and/or the PTSD label attached/added to the profile description.

So in keeping with the chicken-and-the-egg theory, when it comes to adoption and RAD-associations, which came first, the bad placements or the bad behavior?

[BTW... loved reading the one description that claims the ready-to-be-readopted child loves to watch the weather channel.  If I was going to advertise an easy to parent child, that's exactly the sort of information I'd provide in a 3 1/2 (three-and-a-half) lined ad.]



here's how it was...

You asked:

Which came first?

I adopted 7 babies and small children who had the label of special needs (not my label).  Three had quite noticeable behavior problems but only two continued those behaviors and those are the two who are not living in my home.  I would say that those two were bad placements... not necessarily the fault of the children; a mixture of prior abuse and an agency that didn't care about any of us.
I had many foster children before going into overseas adoptions; all but one had extreme behavior problems and I knew I could not parent them...  but then I hadn't gone into foster care to adopt all of them, finding that the children placed into foster care in America should not have been taken from their parents in the first place.
Overseas adoptions are plagued with lies from both the sending country and America.  Both sides are greedy manipulators who care nothing for the child or the family they are stolen from.  I admit there are some women overseas who know they will not be culturally able to keep their out-of-wedlock child because of the stigma or the governments rules.  I'm talking about families who find themselves needing help but only getting cheated.
Then you have the group called the special-needs children who range from needy children in poor families, to truly disturbed children who have been abused and neglected or abandoned.  And then you have stupid and greedy Americans who see the easy way to buy a child and maybe fulfill a whim or maybe a dream, or maybe their "calling from God."    Whatever, there are cases of truly damaged children who should not be put into an unsuspecting home; and there are children so traumatized from the loss of their family (for whatever reason) and should be helped to regain that family.
Which came first?  It depends...
I was just a woman who made poor choices in adopting too many children with too many "special needs" while being married to an asshole.  So, I guess you could be right that some of my adoptions were bad placements.

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

Before and after adoption

Myung-Sook versus Kim.

Myung-Sook :

- shy with adults and older persons but warms up quickly
- easily contents herself with little things, easy to please
- loves rainy days and thunderstorms because it makes her happy
- tends to be selfish, doesn't like to share or give
- likes to be the center of attention particularly in her family
- loves singing, sings often
- likes playing with other kids, approach easily other kids
- independent, likes walking alone outside (if there is nobody to play with, that's ok)
- resourceful  (she takes city bus alone to go to the countryside, she can easily make toys to play with)
- she is known by the neighboordhood to be courageous
- finds hersefl pretty, many people tell her she has beautiful eyes
- proud of herself
- proud of her country
- thinks Americans look strange, not to say uggly

- shy with everyone
- Getting new things makes her happy but only temporally. Always feels void, never  feels satisfied.
- loves rainy days but it makes her sad, and she hates is scared of thunderstorms
- generous, gives everything she has to please others, to be loved
- hate to get the attention, wishes to be invisible permantly
- loves singing, but only sings at home and rarely, never in front of someone
- her her mother says she is asocial: she avoids playing with other kids, she has no friend, she never goes to other, always let other approach. Her mother also thinks she is selfish because she doesn't like playing with other kids
- dependant, hates going outside alone
- she can't get by alone, she is scared to take bus alone, anxious when she has to be alone outside.
- finds herself to be uggly, people calls her Chinese or slant eyes
- ashamed of herself, ashamed of her body
- hates her birth country, she feels she has no country
- thinks Asians look strange, not to say uggly

Myung-Sook was the girl I was before being adopted, from 1966 to 1975.  Kim was the girl I became after being adopted.

Adoption not only changed a name, it also changed drastically a child within a short period, the change can be compared to a death.

About a year and a half after my arrival, I was only 10-11, I felt like the one who lived in Korea was not me. It was freaking because I knew the girl who lived in Korea was me, but I couldn't recognize her within me.  I told my adoptive mother I was different than who I was in Korea.  I didn't know how to explain her with my limited vocabulary what I really meant  because I didn't know what happened to me (or to Myung-Sook).  

My adoptive mother always said that I was asocial. She always blamed my genes for my asociability by saying every Koreans were asocial and selfish. And I believed her.

Now, I know what happened. Myung-Sook has been crushed by international adoption to create Kim.
My asocial-RAD-strange behaviours came after my adoption, within the two first years of my adoption


As I look at my beautiful 18 year old Korean born daughter, my heart aches for Myung-Sook...   My daughter is Suk-Hwa, and yet Suk-Hwa was destroyed to become K_____  My heart aches for you both because of what you lost in order to become someone else, for people who wanted you to forget.  Her name means Stone-Flower, and I love her very much.  God was gracious in giving me my daughter back; but I will never forget who she was and what was taken from her before and after she came home to me.  I spend time trying to make some of it up to her, knowing I can not, but yet I have to try.
Thank you for sharing...

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

loss and abuse= a crushed spirit...

In no way do I come here to say I know exactly how each of you feel; but it surprised me how many of  your definitions of yourself, that depict you after adoption, can represent what I am after so many losses and the abuse/neglect of my childhood.
I think that's one of the reasons why I was drawn here in the first place; listening to the cries of the lost children who find themselves lost adults.
And this is another reason why I desperately have wanted to understand my own adopted children (5 at home & two gone) and somehow try to make things better.  I'm not sure I can, but I want the chance.
I'm always so anxious to hear you, Kim, whenever you are able to express what has happened to you.  Thank you for your help.

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy


As an adoptee survivor of the American sewer system of US adoptions, I was struck by just how much your comment here got to me, and how true it is....How perfectly spoken Kim.

***Adoption not only changed a name, it also changed drastically a child within a short period, the change can be compared to a death.***

I remember the feelings of dying inside and being unheard too.

You are very eloquent and should speak up more. I love hearing from people like yourself whove been adopted from overseas. How sad it is, we are so blind to the very nature of taking a child out of a stuation and plunging them into a completely foreign 1 with out giving them any skills on how to even cope. Thus killing the very childs spirit, we are trying to help, You deserved better and you should know that.

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