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Ugh
Mon, 2009-06-08 01:01 - pr_94chic
Well this sucks matter of a fact everthing sucks. I know people have it worse but i dont know how they feel i only know how i feel and i feel like a true pile of shit. i have a good life i get what i want when i deserve it but nobody understands everbody thinks im just fine that i forgot all about that when i was only fucking four years old i remeber it like it was yesterday this bastard decided to abuse of me i happy he is in fucking jail where he needs to be he ruined my life and nobody knows what scar he left on me i have seen things a little girl should not seen why was it me i am going through all this and im only a fucking dumbass fourteen year i have nobody to talk to and nobody to understand me i have been looking for answers but i cant find them
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Comments
[HUGE heart-felt tears]
First of all, it takes a TREMENDOUS amount of courage to admit just how much the shitty pain really hurts.
Second of all, you are NOT alone....even though it may feel as though you are.
This notion that says "I have a good life" is bullshit, if that life is spent in silent suffocating suffering. The truth is, we DON'T forget, do we?!? We may not always have the words... we may not always have the explanation or justification behind our actions and reactions... but we know, don't we? We remember.... and that's what's so friggen scary. Deep down, we know why we are the way we are. Deep down we know the reason behind our messed-up feelings and reactions to certain things and certain people. Deep down we know we are not the dumbass... deep down we think those around us are the dumbass deaf, dumb and blind people of the world.
As much as people want to believe... as much as people say... that shit stays like a stain, and damn it to hell, it does not go away until others begin to see it and acknowledge it for what it always has been... far from fine, no matter what the dumbass people around us want to say, think, or claim to believe.
<warm smile that says thank you for being so brave>
i wish the people who abused
i wish the people who abused me were put in jail. if nothing else that would show me other people in this world see what they did and agree with me that what they did was wrong. what they did was bad and wrong and they got away with it. not only that, they still get away with the charade they play, like they are the greatest people in the world because they adopted a kid and that adopted kid turned out to be a troubled psycho. like i'm crazy because i miss my mother or hate my daddy or have some stupid primal wound or hole in my soul or something. no, i'm pissed and can't get over it because crazy shit happened to me for years and no one cared. no one looked into the broken bones or the bruises or the sudden change in personality. no one dared to ask and i was the dumb stupid shit who kept quiet about it. i let it happen and i kept quiet. i hate myself for that. i don't tell people, but i remember being happy. i remember trusting and loving people. i also remember what changed all of that. i try not to think about it because if i did i'd lose my mind, and start taking it out on myself again. i told myself i wouldn't do that. not again, not like that.
one did...
The minute she left, I began my vigil: I didn't stop until I found out what was REALLY wrong with my daughter.
The minute he confessed to me (three weeks later) I left to go to my daughter; heard it from her own lips and
called the police. He has been in jail and then prison ever since. 14 and a half years more (it's been 3 years).
Some do see and hear and believe; some do something. Not all do... and I'm sorry they didn't for you.
He left scars on my daughter.
My dad left scars on me. Not physical scars; maybe those would have been easier to live with? I don't know.
Finally my daughter turned back to me, after being gone for three years. I pray you will find the someone who will
listen and call the police for you.
What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy