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Mon, 2007-05-07 16:48 - Kerry

Adoption: It's not what it used to be

From:  http://www.pregnancyoutreach.org/AdoptionNotWhatItUsedToBe.htm

From the beginning of the 20th century through the 1950’s and 1960’s, unwed pregnancy was considered extremely shameful. Although a thin cloud of shame remains, the sexual revolution of the 60’s changed forever the way families dealt with unwed pregnancy.

In the first half of the century, it was common for pregnant girls to be “sent away” to maternity homes or to a distant family member's home to have their baby in secret. Someone made arrangements for the baby to be adopted. After the birth, the child was whisked away from the birthmother. She often did not even know if she had given birth to a boy or a girl. The adoption worker told her it was best if she knew nothing of the baby. She was told to forget about the whole experience and get on with her life.

The issue of shame drove the train of secrecy. It was shameful for a woman to pregnant out of wedlock. The thought followed that a child born out of wedlock must therefore come from "bad blood." Professionals involved in adoption advised birthparents and adoptive parents that it was best for adoption to remain secret.

The adopted baby grew up in his adopted home. Adoption workers told the families to move on with their lives as if the child was born biologically to them. Sometimes the child was never told he was adopted. The children who were not told of their adoption at an early age, usually found out later when a friend or relative accidentally let “the cat out of the bag.”

Sometimes children were told of their adoption, but it usually was not a topic that families discussed. These adopted children grew up with questions about their birth heritage, but had no one they could go to for answers. Consequently, many made up their own answers through fantasy. Some imagined their birthmother as a Fairy Princess who would one day return for him. She was perfect in every way and would never discipline him like his mom and dad.

Sometimes adopted kids would imagine that they must have done something very bad. That could be the only explanation of why their birthparents “gave them away.” Some adopted kids, with many unanswered or avoided questions, experienced emotional and behavioral problems. Many adopted kids began to search for their birthfamily when they became adults to get answers to their legitimate questions.

Of course not every adopted person experienced these negative issues. There have been many happy and well adjusted people who were adopted through the closed system of adoption. We just never hear about them on the TV or in the papers. Their stories do not make for interesting news. The media typically reflects only the negatives of adoption and other family systems.

It is easy to see why adoption has gained a poor reputation over the years. Birthparents (birthmothers, birthfathers and even their extended families) suffered deep emotional wounds for which they could find no healing. Some adopted people felt like “non-people” and had great longing to search for their identity. They wanted to find out who they really looked like. Where did they get their talents? Why did they have a funny little laugh?

They needed a connection that even the love from their adoptive family could not provide.

Comments

Wed, 2007-05-09 18:58 — Kerry

What's different in Adoption now?

Awareness. More people are aware of adoption being an option for those who are infertile, or for those who would otherwise have an abortion.  More people are pushing adoption awareness so it can be seen as "in the child's best interest", and more people are aware of the many different places a person can go to get a child. 

There is another "new awareness", and this relates to the troubling issues, problems and disorders rooted in the adopted-child.

Attaching and Bonding in Adoption

For most children who are adopted, this transition from a known way of life--however good or bad it may be--to an unknown world represents a major life change as well as a significant life "loss." Yet, even though such transition may be difficult at first, most adoption stories have very happy endings!
Children of all ages placed for adoption do make a remarkable adjustment in being with their new family in a fairly short period of time. And their new families embrace them with great love, care and sensitivity to their needs. During this transitional time, which can last from just a few days or weeks to a few months or even years, each person in the family begins to bond and form a loving attachment with the new child.
Attachment is a core issue in adoption. Because without successful attachment, life is often difficult, stressful, empty or lonely for the child.
With this "attachment and bonding issue" comes a new-wave in adoption awareness, and that spells itself with the three letters, RAD.
Wed, 2007-05-09 20:13 — Kerry

Disorderly conduct: RADical adaptations

Below is a 2006 updated version of "Reactive attachment disorder of infancy or early childhood"

Definition   

Reactive attachment disorder is a disturbance of social interaction caused by neglect of a child's basic physical and emotional needs, particularly during infancy.

Babies placed in orphanages at birth and raised by multiple caretakers without primary parent-figures can also develop this disorder, even if physical care was adequate.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors   

Reactive attachment disorder is caused by neglect of an infant's needs for physical safety, food, touching, and emotional bonds with a primary and/or secondary caretaker.

The risk of neglect to the infant or child is increased with parental isolation, lack of parenting skills, teen parents, or a caregiver who is mentally retarded. A frequent change in caregivers (for example, orphanages or foster care) is another cause of reactive attachment disorder.

Children adopted from foreign orphanages are commonly affected, particularly if they were removed from their birth parents during the first weeks of life.

Symptoms   

Child:

  • Resists social interaction
  • Seeks isolation
  • Difficult to comfort
  • Avoids physical contact
  • Avoids caregiver
  • Indiscriminate sociability with strangers
Caregiver:
  • Disregard for child's basic emotional needs for comfort, stimulation, and affection
  • Disregard for child's basic physical needs like food, toileting, and play

Signs and tests   

A complete history and physical examination, and psychiatric evaluation can help diagnose this disorder.

Treatment   

Treatment is twofold. The first priority is to make sure the child is currently in a safe environment where emotional and physical needs are met.

Once that has been established, the next step is to alter the relationship between the caregiver and the child, if the caregiver has caused the problem. Parenting skills classes can help with this. These skills give the caregiver an ability to meet the child's needs and help them bond with their child.

The caregiver should also undergo counseling to work on any current problems, such as drug abuse or family violence. Social Services should follow the family to make sure the child remains in a safe, stable environment.

Parents who adopt babies or young children from foreign orphanages should be aware that this condition may occur and be sensitive to the needs of the child for consistency, physical affection, and love.

These children may be frightened of people and find physical affection overwhelming at first, and parents should try not to see this as rejection. It is a normal response in someone who has been maltreated to avoid contact. Hugs should be offered frequently, but not forced.

A comprehensive mental health evaluation should be completed. This evaluation will be helpful in developing a treatment plan.

Expectations (prognosis)   

With appropriate intervention, the outcome can be improved.

Complications   

If not treated, this condition can permanently affect the child's social interactions. It can be connected with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, and other psychological problems.

Calling your health care provider   

This disorder is usually identified when a parent (or prospective parent) is identified as being at high risk for neglect or when an adoptive parent has difficulty coping with a newly adopted child.

If you have recently adopted a child from a foreign orphanage or another situation where neglect may have occurred and your child exhibits these symptoms, see your health care provider.

Prevention   

Early recognition is very important for the child. Once a parent is identified as being at high risk for neglect, parenting skills should be taught. The patient should be followed by either a social worker or doctor to make sure the child's needs are being met.

 

Update Date: 6/13/2006

If read the wrong way, it can easily be assumed all bonding/attachment issues are caused by "the child", and not the absence of as loving parent-figure.
How many adopted or unadopted people come from unloving or severely dysfunctional families, and how many think they may have RAD?
For the adult adoptee, the term "family history" has a whole new and complicated meaning.  (How many are aware of this?)