Abortion, not adoption - Two women tell how they would prefer termination to giving up the child
Submitted by Kerry on Sat, 2009-01-03 12:40.
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from: jamaica-gleaner.com
Jan 3, 2009
By: Athaliah Reynolds
The Gleaner
At least two women who have had abortions say they would rather terminate a pregnancy than give the child up for adoption.
The women were responding to a call recently made by several members of the church community and other anti-abortion advocates for expectant mothers contemplating abortion to take the babies to them instead.
Father Gregory Ramkissoon, executive director of Mustard Seed, threw out the lifeline during a press conference recently, saying his organisation and other churches would be willing to care for children whose mothers believed they could not keep them.
However, the two young professionals who spoke with The Gleaner said they would feel guiltier if they were to carry the baby to term and then give it up for adoption, than they would if they terminated the pregnancy.
"I would feel like I neglected my child," said 22-year-old Cecile Lyn.
Lyn explained that the idea of carrying a child to full term and then turning it over to an adoption agency or the church would be more traumatic than having an abortion.
"I don't really see the sense in that," she said. "Why bond with a child for nine months and then give it away?"
She said her decision to have an abortion three years ago was based on the fact that she had just started university and had no money or support.
Lyn explained that after she told the father of the child that she was pregnant, he broke off the relationship, leaving her to deal with the situation on her own.
"I don't regret having an abortion. It was the best thing for me to do at that time because I wasn't ready to be a mother," she said.
Twenty-six-year-old Karice Sinclairshared Lyn's sentiments. "I couldn't sleep at night knowing that my child was alive in one of those homes and is probably suffering and just leave it like that," she said. Sinclair said she believed that this was a worse fate than abortion.
Sinclair admitted that her decision to have an abortion at 21 years old was a matter of convenience. "I was just starting out, just finished school and I made the silly mistake of getting pregnant," she told The Gleaner.
Reverend Donovan Cole, a member of the Coalition for the Defense of Life, said it was unfortunate that some persons saw it necessary to put convenience over life. "It shows a real deterioration in values," he said.
Cole said the Church would be willing to care for the child until the mother was in a position to do so herself.
Debate on abortion intensified in September 2008, when a joint select committee of Parliament began hearing submissions from the public on the controversial issue.
The committee has been set up to consider the recommendations of the Abortion Policy Review Group.
Names changed on request.
athaliah.reynolds@gleanerjm.com
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Life's funny choices
When I was in Nursing School, my best friend (a Born-Again Christian), made the most difficult decision she ever had to make in her life: she chose to have an abortion because they guy who fathered her baby did not want to get married.
She later got married, and had children of her own.
I often look back at that time and wonder how differently her life would have been had she not been surrounded by two best-friends who experienced adoption from both sides. I was the adoptee, and our other friend? She was a very young first-mother who lost the only daughter she would ever have, to a family who wanted very limited contact.
Abortion or adoption... I think either way, the mother-to-be loses a piece of herself, regardless of her "final decision".
abortion/adoption
i'm not sure - i just ran into this site.
I can tell you that - the experiences of the past- having a baby in secrecy and hiding is a life changing event. I lost my daughter in 1970. I actually went into serious denial for many years, I was able to talk 'pro-life' and thrill over my many wonderful freinds who adopted children. They are good parents. BUT-- finally facing my loss and reuniting with my daughter, and all the attending grief, sadness, 'outing', shame, anxiety, longing, fear, rage, that this experience has engendered is a task I would not wish on another living soul.
People have such strong opinions about something they don't understand. I wish I knew as little about the topic as so many people do. My baby was just that. MY baby. She had a good life, her adoptive parents were/ thrilled, but I can tell you, it didn't work out that well for me. And I would strongly counsel a woman considering relinquishment, to seriously try anything to not have that happen. You will die in ways unimaginable to you now.
If it had been any other time, later, I would have had an abortion. And I have to admit that honestly, and having been very anti-abortion for a long time. Thinking back now, I remember that I went to a doctor immediately who tried to 'jump start' my period. It didn't happen. If I had access to a morning after pill I would have taken it immediately. What I know of relinquishment and adoption I wish I didn't know. No one else is asked to give away their baby to another better set of parents. No one. And many many children would be better off with other parents. It's not a negotiable instrument. Final word: If you are lucky enough to adopt a baby, and you have an open-adoption arrangement, please HONOR it !! You promised, you owe it to your child, and when they grow up, they'll know if you've kept your promise to their original mother, you'll be in a much better spot.
Appreciating the honesty
I could not have said that better myself.
this real debate
Well, I have some insight here..
I have been on both sides of this fence. When I was 18 yrs young, I ended up pregnant. I had used a condom and it broke. Of all the times I'd screwed around and never used B.C. -this time I did and I got pregnant. Go figure....I called my partner who was in college and told him, -he didn't want me to carry the baby to term, he wasn't ready to be a father, and he would pay for it if I chose to have an abortion. I having grown up adopted, and then orphaned in an institution, felt I was incapable of being a good mother at that age.
I knew this completely and in my heart. I also knew, I couldn't bear to allow myself to chance the giving up of my child for adoption having been adopted myself either....I had to make a choice I alone could live with... So like any scared and responsible person could- I prayed to my 'heavenly father', explaining I was unable to do the "right" thing, and live with myself knowing there was a part of me walking around out there to 1 day pop up into my life, or suffer the same fate as myself, of being abused and ultimately abandoned horribly again- with nothing.
For myself, I made a personal pact with my higher powers, I vowed that if "he" allowed me to live in peace with my choice, and to end this pregnancy, I would NEVER terminate another (unplanned or unwanted) pregnancy. So I and the father went and had the abortion.
I didn't take it lightly, and it caused real physical and emotional pain. There was a undeniable profound sense of loss inside, as I had lost a real life part of myself. There was a feeling of part of me died too. Had I not soul searched and made a promise to my"God"(for lack of a better word)-I don't think I could have lived with the choice. But in so much as there was a part of me that did die, I can live comfortably with my decision. I feel no shame, or regret for having made it. I have no fear of my "God"s wrath. I feel I surrendered my child back to him, so I could choose to live a better life. I have honored my pact, and will NEVER feel worried for it, I will meet my maker 1 day, and can stand b4 'him' with a clean heart.
I had a hard choice to make and I made it, for better for worse, I stand alone and naked b4 'him' ready to face the consequences for my actions unafraid. I had to make a choice for this life, not the hereafter- and I did it with all the heart and soul I had. I have never broken my personal pact. I can live with it. I am pro-choice, knowing the consequences from both sides of the fence- I don't judge anyone who makes the choices that they make concerning abortion/terminations.
We need to keep this and all countries pro-choice, we have a right to choose our own destiny, and not be judged unworthy, unfit, or unwise. No 1 has a right to judge us, but our "God". We as free citizens have a right to make choices concerning our own bodies and health, for ourselves. No political, religious, or other governing body, has a right to dictate our rights to choose or not what we as grown ,free people do for ourselves.
WE ALL have to live with our choices, and for some there is no choice.. Sadly, that is still a choice.
Never mind-
- how many times can you re-kill/victimize an innocent terminated fetus? NONE..
How many times can you ostracize, and victimize the BM for having given up a child she felt unworthy, unwilling, or too overwhelmed to care for at the time she gave it up?-Countless.
How many ways can it go wrong for a child of adoption that was given up- and they be victimized, abused, ostracized, even murdered(?) -again countless.
So then how much pain and suffering are we to be forced to bear...
How MANY victims must there be- living and dead?
I cherish my only child living MORE for what I had to do 9 years b4 her. I know the value of life, and I would make the same choice. I have not been haunted by unfinished business, nor regrets. I have but 1 life to live (that I know about), and I chose it. I was and am a better mother for it, she's the living proof of it.
I will say this- I do have a peave about women that use abortion as a means of BC, they should do something besides repeating the same mistake, since in this day and age, there are many choices of BC, other than abortion. But I do know, ultimately,- they too will meet their maker, and I'm not sure they understand what they are doing to themselves, or their bodies.