Playing Children's Rights: Silent Voices

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June 2008

Explores the plight of abused and neglected children in the custody of America's failing child welfare systems -- and how Children's Rights fights to reform those systems and improve the lives of children across the nation.

Directed by Bill Goins, GoShow Entertainment

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In this video, child advocates discuss the over-medication of foster children, the importance of child safety, and the rights of children.  One suggests litigation, in the form of class-action lawsuits against child welfare systems, to achieve improvement in-care.

Children's Rights is a national watchdog organization advocating the needs of abused and neglected children, while still supporting domestic adoption as a means to provide  permanant loving families for abandoned children.

According to CR's website, Children’s Rights has won landmark legal victories improving child welfare systems in Connecticut, the District of Columbia, Georgia, Kansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, and Wisconsin.  More can be found here:  http://www.childrensrights.org/reform-campaigns/phases-of-reform/

 

7
Average: 7 (1 vote)

From one family to the next

Within the first minute of the video, an AP discusses how difficult it is for the child to "discuss the past" with his "new family'".

As an adult adoptee,  I can honestly say this difficulty can also exist in "new families", like those made through marriage.

For myself, many raw emotions get triggered, simply because I'd be watching/listening to my spouse and my own children and I'd find myself comparing their lives to the one I had to keep secret.

These are very difficult issues... the kind I can't always talk about.

For some, the story of adoption is not all that loving and sweet because it did not remove "child abuse" from the life of one who was "promised better".

 

iwasnt moved place to place.

iwasnt moved place to place. i was put in one place and then physicially, sexually, mentally and emotionally abused for over 18 years. being adopted didn't save me from being abused. being adopted only meaned i wasnt going to be moved. when i finally moved, it was into a very abusive relationship. it's hard to have hope when all you know is mean abusive people.

* the worst handicap is to

* the worst handicap is to be unloved, the second worst handicap, is to be unloving.*  We have to retrain ourselves to imulate the love we want by treating ourselves that way first, and accept no less of ourselves. We need to comfort that lost child we all carry inside as a survivor. Giving simple TLC to ourselves and carry no shame about it. This is a monumental task I KNOW, but if you can you will then reach a point that being alone, is better than being with 'shit', and you start to heal properly. It could start simply enough maybe like finding a scented soap you like to smell, and gently washing yourself like you love yourself. Soaking in the sweet smell and findng comfort in both the smell, and in your being kind to yourself by giving yourself a pleasure of being clean and sweet to smell.... Sounds silly perhaps, but it takes small steps,even some that seem silly at the time.... We have to build on the little things.

Finding the love

Indeed, the worst handicap in the world is to be/feel unloved... it makes loving others and yourself an almost impossible task.  For this very reason, more people need to see that's really happening in foster-care and adoptive families, and take those actions and examples far more seriously because while many are getting it "right", there are still far too many getting it terribly wrong.  As a result, it's my firm belief there are MANY adults who have no idea what it feels like to be seen as lovable, worthy people... and I feel as though this perspective will only manifest itself in negative behaviors and unhealthy relationships.  [I write/speak from personal experience.]

We have to retrain ourselves to imulate the love we want by treating ourselves that way first, and accept no less of ourselves. We need to comfort that lost child we all carry inside as a survivor. Giving simple TLC to ourselves and carry no shame about it. This is a monumental task I KNOW, but if you can you will then reach a point that being alone, is better than being with 'shit', and you start to heal properly. It could start simply enough maybe like finding a scented soap you like to smell, and gently washing yourself like you love yourself. Soaking in the sweet smell and findng comfort in both the smell, and in your being kind to yourself by giving yourself a pleasure of being clean and sweet to smell....

Very well said and great advice for those needing a starting-point.  A few years ago I came to a similar conclusion... I realized I had to learn how to treat myself like I wanted to be treated... I had to learn how to be kind to myself... I had to learn to STOP berating and punishing myself.... I had to learn to not accept shit all the time.  Basically, I had to learn how to love and "romance" myself before I could share that very real honest (confident and content) side of me with another person.... and I had to be taught how to do these "feel-good-things" by those who knew how to take good care of themselves.   [See:    Romancing the RADult ]

Finding comfort and pleasure in our own skin... in our own selves... it's an amazing gift, isn't it?

 

Finding comfort and pleasure in our own skin

Indeed it is.  I also believe in harm no one.  If it feels good and harms no one(including myself) that is the place to start. The emotional exhaustion we discover in having to be on guard or pretend to the outsiders (non-victims) is the first place we feel relief. I made choices about how I wanted to feed the soul, when I realized you can't fix what has been broken, really, only live and move on with it. We can't fill in those old holes of soul. There's a poem I carried around for yrs if I find it I'll post it, but it basically was about trying something new when YOU KNOW something doesn't work. I chose to quit taking *bad* and to be alone, and feed my soul for the future. I am most grateful for my ability to read.(that and never allowing an addiction to drugs or alcohol) When I couldn't find examples in the flesh I tried to find the examples of what I wanted or needed in books.  I haven't read fiction for nearly 20 yrs now. If I am going to bother to read, I want it to feed my brain, period. It could be about gardening, livestock, geology, or self improvement, damnit it doesn't matter just feed the mind, and it will start to scab over the sores and perculate a new way of thinking. Always a keen observer, I watched peoples every move, and if I liked something I took it, taking what I liked and leaving the rest. Thus I could exchange something broken for something that worked for me. I had the choice as a grown-up that I didn't have as a child, I could choose, as long as I was free. I no longer had to accept what was givin for what I wanted......

uh- could I get an invite to your Adult Aftermath group please?

quick response....

I sent a PM and believe you will be an excellent addition!

lovable and worthy...

To see ourselves as "lovable and worthy" we truly need to SEE ourselves first.  For so long I could see nothing but darkness: lived it and it nearly killed me.  I could not SEE me...
"Finding comfort and pleasure in our own skin... in our own selves..."
For so many years I would not allow myself any pleasure.  Just recently, coming out of the deep dark fog of depression and PTSD; stopping the debilitating drug Effexor, and making the choice that I was going to live; I have been able to finally allow pleasure.  My simple pleasures are like others have stated here in that I decided that I DO count; I deserve to be loved; I need to do things just for me after all the years of being the giver.  And since I couldn't just walk up to someone and say, "LOVE ME," I decided to love me myself.
My gifts to myself are in the form of very good skin care products, make-up, etc.  And every day, just for me, I do the routine morning and night.  I had to stop caring so much what others thought and concentrate on nurturing the part of me that never received nurturing.
Next came the forgiveness; the letting go of the past so I could go on...  it was a tremendous burden.  All the time I would just accept that no one loved me or even cared; but now I will NOT accept such treatment.  I can choose to walk away and find a better situation: friends, extended family, and even my 97 year old dad who is in the nursing home, who chose to torture me all my childhood and young adult life.  I do NOT have to make his last days better for him like was demanded of me from my mother.  I let the past go and he was part of that past.  And to love me, I have to NOT let people keep on using and abusing me.
So I "romance" myself watching make-up tutorials on YouTube and treating myself to my own self-help program. 
I had not been kind to myself.  I sat and died a little more each day inside that deep dark fog.  But not now...  I care about me.
I like how it was stated:  "and carry no shame."  My life was so full of shame.  The guilt trips were daily (from my mother) and after growing up I just could not see myself outside that shame and guilt.  We truly need to SEE ourselves.

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

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