"Are we having fun yet?"
A few weeks ago, a friend told me I needed to find a way to have more fun in my life. It was more a criticism than suggestion because the conversation went a little like this:
"What have you been doing lately?"
"Taking care of the heathens, working on the website, reading information that could help people, and sending emails to people who like to discuss things privately."
"You really need to learn how to go out and have fun. Why don't you go out to a club or spend a weekend at Atlantic City?"
"Because that's not fun for me"
"Well you can't stay locked-up forever, you know. That gets very boring, and you should be out enjoying life".
This friend of mine could not, for the life of her, understand my idea of fun is very very different from her own. In fact, she began to argue with me, because I was telling her it's OK to like different things, because that's what makes people very interesting individuals. She was having no part of that discussion, because she didn't like the idea that two completely different people could find a way to get along. She kept assuming her ways were the ways I should follow.
That's when it hit me. This person's unwillingness to see life differently was really annoying to me, and it was pissing me off. I finished my beer, said it was great spending time together, and I walked away before I got really mad at myself for thinking a spontaneous visit with an old friend would be a fun thing to do. Clearly, our personal ways are not compatible, and yet I felt obligated to keep as quiet as possible, because I did not want to be rude or offensive to a person who thought differently than me.
All my life I had to submit to another person's idea of fun or "good idea", and I have found 99% of the time those ideas really sucked for me.
I am now at the age and stage of my own emotional recovery (from an adoption gone really bad) to tell people "I am not like you", and not feel like that is a confession of criminal proportions.... and YET, I am always feeling like my thoughts and opinions don't matter because I do not follow main-stream conformity.
I am told I think too much, I am far too intelligent for my own good, and I don't know how to kick-back, relax and have some fun.
[These are comments made by people who don't know just how stupid and silly I like to be when I'm around those who speak my same twisted language.]
Is this an adoption-issue, an abuse issue or is this me not having the ability to let-go of a past that was very critical and controlling?
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someone elses idea of fun
I am not the partying guy either. Well, sometimes I am, but rarely and strictly on my own terms. I hate being pushed by people to do this, or do that. I'm not sure it's an adoption thing or not, maybe it is just a sign of intelligence not to enjoy the pre-fabricated entertainment industry.
I've never been to Atlantic city but to me it sounds like organized entertainment revolving around casinos and clubs and that definitely doesn't resonate positively with me. If someone would push me to go there, I would probably be compelled to hit that person.
Sometimes I wonder if I go out as much as I would like to and I guess that is even true, but I would hate to do so because of some elses idea of fun. I'd rather spend an evening counting the number of fingers I have than being forced to go to a place I am certainly not going to like.
Shallow waters
For myself, I was always very different from those within my adoptive family. My interests were not usually their own, but as one who was always over-ruled by parental authority, I learned to accept certain duties just to please their wants and needs.
What's worse, I got mocked, teased, and sometimes beaten for the things that made me different. Because it was not really in my nature to fight-back physically, I learned to become more isolated in my behaviors and beliefs. [Hiding was the route I took when it came to keeping myself safe from mocking harm...]
I have often wondered, had I been kept by those who produced me, would such differences in personality and temperament have been such a big deal? For instance, I have ALWAYS loved to read and write and have always had a fascination in architecture, medicine, and history. These are not the sort of things most kids my age liked to discuss, and my passion for reading, writing and studying religion and science was not at all shared by anyone in my afamily.
Fun for me has everything to do with exploring my mind, not stretching my body or bank account. I have always been that way, and I believe that came from parents who were very intelligent people. [My father was a communications specialist for the military and my mother was a scientist.]
I really resent it when people tell me my interests are dull and boring... it shows me a shallowness in spirit that is rooted in vanity and stupidity... but then again, I know I think too much about this sort of stuff.
I'd rather compare finger prints and patterns of nail growth, but then I'm not your average mutt when it comes to things I can do with my hands.
it's all about bliss
In some areas, I believe, I'm pretty smart, but when it comes to counting I always loose track when getting beyond six, so you would probably beat me there hands down.
I've always been a reader too and when placed in environments where ignorance and stupidity is regarded an asset, I feel very uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I don't consider myself beyond someone who has read less, knows fewer facts or scores a lower IQ. I couldn't care less about that, as long as an open minded conversation can be had and I can certainly enjoy stupid and downright dumb humour too. For me the point is that some consider themselved to be beyond me, because of their own ignorance and stupidity. Funny observation: I think there are more of those higher up the social ladder, than among those at the bottom. Maybe afterall ignorance is bliss.
black and white fun...
Even at having fun, my thinking is black or white. I go from manic selling on eBay, reading for hours, to wanting to go
let the air out of someone's tires, drinking beer, etc. I've never known middle of the road fun. If I did, I found it
very boring.
As for having fun with my hands: I believe in doing unto others as you would have them do unto you! LOL
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
All, none, and being the only one
For the longest time (in my afamily), I would sit and watch in complete amused disbelief -- I would watch and listen to them, asking myself, "Are they serious?!?
So many things they liked to do really tortured me in ways I simply cannot explain. [Board games, and cards, and sports of all kinds, for instance...] Holy Guacamole! I'd have preferred to be coated in steak tartar and thrown to a pack of hungry wolves than endure that breed of "family fun". I learned competition really repluses me, especially when there are those who like to get cut-throat over something that should otherwise be FUN.
Middle-of-the-road mentality means to me there will be lots of people doing lots of things that bring-out the ugly in others, so I can very much appreciate the black-and-white thinking that comes with all-or-none participation. I don't like being part of the crowd... it's too easy to get lost and hurt, especially by those who like to step on others just to get ahead. And yet, I have the type of personality that likes to see the absurdity in things. I especially like it when I can make something that's dull and boring into something fun and stupid or something very deep and personal. Transformation fascinates me, so if I can participate in something that can be a meaningful/memorable experience, I can be convinced to stay -- provided I'm allowed to talk/share my opinion, and not get blasted for it.
The funny thing for me is, as much as I don't like crowds of people, I can easily join a group and become the center of attention. What drives my friends crazy is my unwillingness to remain there.