A comment was made in the post, "When is adoption an acceptable option?", and I believe Teddy's words deserve more attention.
If there had been a REAL test of the emotional stability of both my husband and myself, there never would have been
any adoptions for us or several couples I am aware of....
There MUST be a way to implement an accountability so that "friends" giving references for "friends" as to their emotional
stability are able/willing to tell the truth! Two couples who really didn't want to be a reference for us finally gave in.... and
look what happened? I see this in hindsight as a habit of ALL friends of PAP's. Doctor's do the same thing: a fat doctor
will sign off on a couple who is fat, etc... There are MANY things that SHOULD be done to ensure the safety of ALL children so abusive-ways do NOT have to become a new family legacy.
We adopted only special needs children. The requirements should be higher and not lowered for a SN child. YOUNG
couples should be REQUIRED to be open to a SN child instead of it being a requirement of older PAP's, who probably
already have enough children already.
SURE, we'll approve you for adoption: you doddering old fool with good insurance and job security. BUT you MUST
take a SN's child! BUT, you older people with GOBS of money, we will give YOU a referral for a "normal, healthy, baby!
I can just hear that agency's BwaaaaaHaaaaaHaaaaa! It happens every day. SAFETY is NOT an issue with them.....
Since so many children are taken from first parents because they are deemed "unfit to parent", (due to a diagnosed mental illness) how can a child placement system allow such hugely ignored gaps in a child's "stable home environment"? I now speak from personal experience, because the woman who later became my "adoptive mother" should never have been granted permission to take another woman's child to fulfill her own emotionally damaged needs. However, I know "much has changed since then". The question is, how many undiagnosed mentally ill people are still looking at adoption as their best means to "feel emotionally complete"?
I can't even dare to imagine the collateral damage caused by the uncounted agencies that have already placed a child in a profoundly dysfunctional family, simply because various fees could be paid, and the paper-work was deemed "satisfactory". [I believe a look into our prison systems can easily give a basic picture of "what happens when a child gets placed among the bad and the ugly".]
Meanwhile, in all fairness, there are lots of complaints made in the blogging-circuit about the nature of "home study approval". I've read how PAP's feel like they are afraid to show any signs of human flaw because such a deadly mistake will end their chances of becoming a parent. I find this ironic because the image of perfection is perhaps the worst fate an adoptee can face! The perfect child for the perfect home -- is there anything scarier than living-up to that fictitious expectation?
Can anyone tell me what sort of questions are being asked of these eager-to-be pleasing and approved parents? ARE there psychological evaluations given to those who want to care for another person's child? if so, where can a sample be found?