Physical intimacy has always been me and a stranger, no one really knowing the other. I gave and they took. I don't think I have ever really been physically intimate... only there.
I am silenced and disturbed by those words. Give to he who needs. Take from someone who has something worth having. I am sickened by the implied meaning, because I see nothing but solitary interest and satisfaction.
Kerry, I'm sorry, I don't understand; and I do want to understand your words. What is wrong with me that I don't understand?
I always prided myself on understanding what Kerry said. It scares me to think of how far apart we are.
I think many problems seen in intimate relationships are born from an imballance in power. In the adoption world, you have woman who can give birth, and adults who can take babies. The math of injustice can be seen in many ways, in this regard. "He with the most, (money, power, force).... wins".
In this sense, I find the words "give" and "take" very messy and confusing for the scared and willing, especially if open, honest effective communication is not always first respected.
For instance, from an adoptee pespective, killing a conversation and shutting-down is learned early, and it can be seen simply by denying a child truthful information about that child's First Family. [I can't tell you how many times I was not allowed to discuss my wish to meet my biologic family. Wanting to bond with biology was the ultimate insult to those who "gave so much".]
Add a sexual predator to such an equation, and I think it's clear how Control over mind and body can become complicated, adding all sorts of secret power-plays into the mind of a growing child. Ultimately, the seeds of Give and Take will manifest themselves in ways that seem very strange to the average person. [Call it psycho-sexual development] YET, for the survivor of such a controlled childhood, I have learned there are many ways to use emotional imballance in very sexual-intimate ways. [I'd love to know the numbers of adopteed adults seeking B&D in their sexual relationships, for example. It's got to be huge!]
When did you first realize the fear your ap had of who you really were/are; that there is another world that they kept you
from? The fear of including the extended family that was only yours? ap like that are playing a game of ignore it and
she may never ask. But if I know you, you became aware of that other world very early. ap fear their pretend homogeneous
family will be found out.... LOL as if it's not obvious. It does not hurt to become a part of the adopted child's extended family/first family. If there were love instead of just putting a face out to the world, many ap would find the hidden joy
their child holds deep down; but instead, most ap force that child to hold down what is rightfully theirs.
And yes, those who can allow intimacy could find it useful (B&D) in breaking free from that childhood of control, without
anyone knowing but them. Secret freedom ...
Comments
Love's battle-grounds
I always found it's much easier to give the physical parts of me freely, keeping all the emotional feeling and thinkings to myself.
After all, a person can take my body, but my heart, mind and soul will always be my own.
EASY?
Physical intimacy has always been me and a stranger, no one really knowing the other. I gave and they took. I don't think I have ever really been physically intimate... only there.
IN A WORLD OF WHY Teddy
Give and Take
I am silenced and disturbed by those words. Give to he who needs. Take from someone who has something worth having. I am sickened by the implied meaning, because I see nothing but solitary interest and satisfaction.
I'm Sorry
Kerry, I'm sorry, I don't understand; and I do want to understand your words. What is wrong with me that I don't understand?
I always prided myself on understanding what Kerry said. It scares me to think of how far apart we are.
IN A WORLD OF WHY Teddy
Sharing something intimate
I think many problems seen in intimate relationships are born from an imballance in power. In the adoption world, you have woman who can give birth, and adults who can take babies. The math of injustice can be seen in many ways, in this regard. "He with the most, (money, power, force).... wins".
In this sense, I find the words "give" and "take" very messy and confusing for the scared and willing, especially if open, honest effective communication is not always first respected.
For instance, from an adoptee pespective, killing a conversation and shutting-down is learned early, and it can be seen simply by denying a child truthful information about that child's First Family. [I can't tell you how many times I was not allowed to discuss my wish to meet my biologic family. Wanting to bond with biology was the ultimate insult to those who "gave so much".]
Add a sexual predator to such an equation, and I think it's clear how Control over mind and body can become complicated, adding all sorts of secret power-plays into the mind of a growing child. Ultimately, the seeds of Give and Take will manifest themselves in ways that seem very strange to the average person. [Call it psycho-sexual development] YET, for the survivor of such a controlled childhood, I have learned there are many ways to use emotional imballance in very sexual-intimate ways. [I'd love to know the numbers of adopteed adults seeking B&D in their sexual relationships, for example. It's got to be huge!]
When did you know?
When did you first realize the fear your ap had of who you really were/are; that there is another world that they kept you
from? The fear of including the extended family that was only yours? ap like that are playing a game of ignore it and
she may never ask. But if I know you, you became aware of that other world very early. ap fear their pretend homogeneous
family will be found out.... LOL as if it's not obvious. It does not hurt to become a part of the adopted child's extended family/first family. If there were love instead of just putting a face out to the world, many ap would find the hidden joy
their child holds deep down; but instead, most ap force that child to hold down what is rightfully theirs.
And yes, those who can allow intimacy could find it useful (B&D) in breaking free from that childhood of control, without
anyone knowing but them. Secret freedom ...
IN A WORLD OF WHY,
Teddy