It was only a couple of years ago, when I was still pretty much ignorent of adoption practices, I discovered most adoptees had their first name changed as well as their last name and it shocked me. My last name changed when I was adopted and even though I am not a big fan of that, I can see the rationale behind it. Changing someones first name on the other hand makes no sense, except as a token of ownership for the adopters.
I was born Gareth Dafydd Curle (neither my mother nor the Registrar knew how to spell Dafydd, so it appears on my birth certificate as Dafyd and on the consent form as Daffyd)
My adoptive parents thought a Welsh name would raise too many questions amongst their neighbours in rural Essex
I remember having my original names, and rediscovered them when I was about 8 or 9 and broke in to family document box
I'm okay with my adopted name, but it's a part of the secrets and lies that make it more difficult for natural relatives to find out what has happened to any member of their family who has been adopted. I don't really approve of the changing of first names in adoption
Just today I read two articles addressing the name-change issue adoptees keep facing day-after-day. The first comes from a self-proclaimed Angry Adoptive Parent:
I am an adoptive parent of a 13 month-old baby girl. She will grow up knowing her parents’ names are Mariam (not real) and Arif (not real). Now when she goes to school at six or seven years and she will be called, say, Alia binti Abdullah instead of Alia Arif.
She will come home one day and ask “mummy, why is my name Alia binti Abdullah when daddy’s name is Arif?” Pray tell, how I do explain the concept of adoption to a six or seven year-old girl who is not even old enough to string three complete sentences together?
All she will remember of any explanation I give her is “my parents are not my real parents” and “my real parents gave me away.” “I belong to nobody because I don’t know who my real parents are!”
Can the minister explain what is so wrong about allowing these children to carry their adoptive father’s name to give them a sense of belonging to a whole family and an identity rather than to live with the “adopted” label from birth or at adoption?
Adoption in itself is an emotional issue, both for the adoptive parents and the adopted child. Don’t make it any harder for us than it already is.
The sensitivity with which information about any adoption is communicated to the child is best left to the parents than the Government to decide on our behalf.
Please let me decide on the when and how.
In the meantime, let my child feel she is part of my family by rescinding this ridiculous directive to JPN and allowing the director-general to use his discretionary authority to allow this practice for those who want it and allowing the bin/binti Abdullah for those who choose to follow the fatwa.
Appropriately enough, the title of this article is called "Don't penalize adopted kids". If telling a child lies by and through the adoption-process isn't the greatest violation of the rights of a child, I don't know what is. A name-change carries deeper consequences than any adoptive-parent may realize, and unfortunately for all those involved, altered identity information is what makes adoption the corrupt practice it has ultimately become. This Angry Adoptive Parent admits, "Don't make (adoption) harder than it already is". <Hmmmm>. My response to this statement is simple: The only reason I found adoption so hard was because as a child, I felt burdened with the knowledge that all around me were secrets and lies. Want to unburden the life of an adopted-child? Speak openly and honestly about all the known facts before, during and after the formal adoption, and help that child decide which name best reflects his/her sense of identity. Teach a child the only shame one should keep is the one that denies honesty. Above all else, don't let anger or resentment cloud adult-judgement because in the world of adoption, it's impossible for the child NOT to ask, "Why?"
Meanwhile, in Gulfnews, the following article on adoption fraud was found. Perhaps this little piece can better explain my disdain towards a "legal name-change" and why anyone involved in adoption must fear the ugly life-altering implications a few removed facts have on an already emotionally sensitive "family decision":
A man and two women were each sentenced to a year in prison after the court convicted them of helping to obtain government documents relating to the true identity of a child through fraudulent means.
The story goes back to eight years ago when A.H., and A.A., a husband and wife, were both unemployed and living in Dibba with the sister of the first suspect, A.H., who was married to an Emirati, A.S., who has since died.
According to court records, when the Indian couple discovered they were expecting a child, and due to their unemployment and difficult financial status, the couple decided to seek an abortion.
According to records, the deceased Emirati, A.S., the brother-in-law of the first suspect, intervened by convincing the couple not to abort the pregnancy, promising he would raise the child as his own.
After giving birth in Dibba Al Bay'a, an Omani territory bordering Dibba Al Fujairah, A.S., with the assistance of the other three suspects, took out a birth-certificate and new passport for the baby boy, Kh. After the death of A.S., the rest of his family contested the child's right to inheritance and decided to file a complaint to the police who soon discovered the plot. http://www.gulfnews.com/nation/Police_and_The_Courts/10228077.html
TRUE IDENTITY must never be changed -- neither by government nor adoption policy.... the sooner this inherent fact is accepted, the sooner the rights of a child will be fully recognized.
Comments
ownership
It was only a couple of years ago, when I was still pretty much ignorent of adoption practices, I discovered most adoptees had their first name changed as well as their last name and it shocked me. My last name changed when I was adopted and even though I am not a big fan of that, I can see the rationale behind it. Changing someones first name on the other hand makes no sense, except as a token of ownership for the adopters.
A Welsh man in England??
I was born Gareth Dafydd Curle (neither my mother nor the Registrar knew how to spell Dafydd, so it appears on my birth certificate as Dafyd and on the consent form as Daffyd)
My adoptive parents thought a Welsh name would raise too many questions amongst their neighbours in rural Essex
I remember having my original names, and rediscovered them when I was about 8 or 9 and broke in to family document box
I'm okay with my adopted name, but it's a part of the secrets and lies that make it more difficult for natural relatives to find out what has happened to any member of their family who has been adopted. I don't really approve of the changing of first names in adoption
The Rights of a Child, changed and nullified
Just today I read two articles addressing the name-change issue adoptees keep facing day-after-day. The first comes from a self-proclaimed Angry Adoptive Parent:
Appropriately enough, the title of this article is called "Don't penalize adopted kids". If telling a child lies by and through the adoption-process isn't the greatest violation of the rights of a child, I don't know what is. A name-change carries deeper consequences than any adoptive-parent may realize, and unfortunately for all those involved, altered identity information is what makes adoption the corrupt practice it has ultimately become. This Angry Adoptive Parent admits, "Don't make (adoption) harder than it already is". <Hmmmm>. My response to this statement is simple: The only reason I found adoption so hard was because as a child, I felt burdened with the knowledge that all around me were secrets and lies. Want to unburden the life of an adopted-child? Speak openly and honestly about all the known facts before, during and after the formal adoption, and help that child decide which name best reflects his/her sense of identity. Teach a child the only shame one should keep is the one that denies honesty. Above all else, don't let anger or resentment cloud adult-judgement because in the world of adoption, it's impossible for the child NOT to ask, "Why?"
Meanwhile, in Gulfnews, the following article on adoption fraud was found. Perhaps this little piece can better explain my disdain towards a "legal name-change" and why anyone involved in adoption must fear the ugly life-altering implications a few removed facts have on an already emotionally sensitive "family decision":
TRUE IDENTITY must never be changed -- neither by government nor adoption policy.... the sooner this inherent fact is accepted, the sooner the rights of a child will be fully recognized.