Pound Pup Legacy

Forlorn thirtysomething women drowning their sorrows in chardonnay at home with only a cat for company hardly exist.

Research suggests that while most young women choose to live alone and revel in their own space their male counterpart — Bruce Jones — is lonely, depressed and has no one to talk to after a bad day.

The number of 25 to 44-year-old men living in solo households has risen tenfold since 1973, to 1.3 million. That accounts for 15 per cent of their age group, compared with 8 per cent of similarly aged women living on their own.

Rising levels of divorce and the lack of custody by fathers have been blamed for the phenomenon, which was summed up by one man interviewed for the Unilever Family Report: “I’m far too old to be with my parents, far too single to be with a partner and far too private to want to share with a mate.”

The attitude of women towards living alone was encapsulated by one who said: “I like the freedom, privacy, relaxation and ability to do what I want with my own home.”

Single-person households have risen from 18 per cent of all homes in 1971 to 29 per cent today, and are projected to account for 35 per cent of households by 2021.

The report concludes: “Men generally find living alone harder than women, and are less likely to say they chose to live alone. Women are more likely than men to see friends and family frequently as a result of living alone. Men are more likely to feel lonely.”

Relationship breakdown was said to be a main causes of the rise in solo living. The effect on poorer people could be emotionally and financially tough.

The research found that for younger, middle-class women, “living alone has become a new rite of passage”, which they wanted to experience before settling down. Such women actively sought the independence associated with solo living.

But people who ended up living alone through circumstance, not choice, tended to be male, older and working class. However, there were still many more older women than older men living on their own.

The Institute for Public Policy Research interviewed more than 1,100 people aged 25 to 44 who live on their own. It found that Scotland had the most solo households.

Living alone was said to be more expensive and 43 per cent were worse off. Some people who live alone are in stable relationships; 12 per cent have had the same partner for more than two years and nearly 25 per cent see their boyfriend or girlfriend every day.

That group is described as the Living Apart Togethers, some of whom said they had strong relationships precisely because they lived alone.

MATTHEW WAGHORNE, 36, has lived alone for 2½ years since his divorce. He now shares a two-bedroom flat in Haywards Heath, West Sussex, with his cat, Purdey.

Mr Waghorne, a promotions manager, said: “I’d never lived on my own before but had to get my own place. I stayed with my parents for a week.

“The flat was chaotic when I moved in and I hated it. I had to do all the moving on my own and it took ages.

“It’s still undecorated and looks like a hurricane has hit it. I have a room I call the pit which is filled with boxes.

“I can cook, clean and iron but the thing that gets me is doing the finances and paperwork.

“I run up terrible phone bills and there are times when I feel so very alone. I did suffer from depression a while ago, and I hate walking around the supermarket getting enough food for one.”

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(I had to include the sister brother-piece called Single... and sick of it?)

By Evan Marc Katz

As a dating coach, I spend a lot of time trying to manage people’s expectations. Yes, we all want love. Yes, we all deserve it. And until we find it, it’s tempting to get frustrated—to lament the lack of good options, get jealous when our friends are in relationships, and feel hurt when someone we do like doesn’t call us back. Still, if you’re tired of the emotional roller coaster that comes with being single, there are ways to cope and come to terms with the fact that love really is a matter of luck and timing. Here are a few concepts to keep in mind until you find your soul mate.

Shooting for the stars: It takes time
I live in Hollywood. When I was younger and frequenting bars, I’d meet actresses who moved to L.A. to become the next Julia Roberts. No crime in that. It was when they told me their timetable that I knew they were doomed for failure. “If I don’t hit it big in the next year,” they’d say, “I’ll just move back home.” This was said matter-of-factly as if giving oneself twelve months to become a celebrity was a reasonable time frame. Thankfully, falling in love isn’t as rare as superstardom, but it’s a reasonable thing to consider: How many times in your life have you truly been in love? You can probably count it on one or two hands. So let’s reflect: Let’s say you’re in your forties, you’ve got four “loves” on record, and you’re upset that you’ve been on Match.com for two months and you still haven’t found anyone? A little perspective: If you’re fortunate enough to find someone special every few years, you’re extremely lucky. Which means that there’s going to be a whole lot of dates in between that don’t pan out. That’s life… and it’s OK.

Playing the lottery: What are the odds?
There are three things that can happen in every relationship: You dump someone, someone dumps you, or you live happily ever after. Since the last one happens really, really rarely, can anyone explain why we’re surprised and upset when potential relationships don’t work out? Imagine buying a lottery ticket and then losing sleep when your numbers don’t come up—that’s what we’re talking about here. I’m not saying you need to be callous and stoic over emotional issues like dating, I just think we need to get better at accepting that like it or not, things often (maybe even usually) don’t work out. Thomas Edison said it right, before finally inventing the light bulb. “I have not failed,” he said, “I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” So if, in fact, dating is like playing the lottery, don’t forget the lottery’s most popular slogan, “You’ve got to be in it to win it!” Quitting is not an option.

Setting the bar high—so very few can jump it
Scroll through 100 Match.com profiles of potential partners in your demographic and area. Then ask yourself the following questions:

1. What percentage did you find physically attractive?
2. What percentage had information that led you to think you’d enjoy having a conversation with them?
3. What percentage met all your basic checklist qualities: height, weight, income, smoking and/or [fill in your criteria]?
4. What percentage of the online dates you meet in person do you click with?
5. Assuming a person meets all of the above criteria, what percentage of those people feel the same way about you?

The results of this exercise tend to be eye-opening. Most likely you’ll find that the percentage of people who hit all (or even most) of these requirements is slim. We’re talking “less than 5 percent” slim. This is not a judgment on anybody, except to illustrate how high we raise the bar when searching for a suitable partner. Given this, it only stands to reason that the vast majority of people are not The One, and that even a smaller percentage have future life partner potential.

All of this is no reason to despair. Millions of people fall in love and get married each year, tens of thousands from online dating alone. It’s just that I consistently see kind, optimistic people collapsing under the weight of their own lofty expectations. There’s nothing wrong with getting your hopes up each time you meet someone who excites you. But even if we think there’s something there, remember, they have to think so, too, and be compatible, and be open to a long term relationship, and be willing to attempt to make it work for the rest of your lives.

Falling in love is like panning for gold: a lot of effort for little reward… until you strike it big. But when dealing with such important matters of the heart, do we have any choice but to persevere? Logically, the very nature of love is that it’s rare. If you could walk down to the street corner and purchase it for ten bucks, it wouldn’t mean very much at all. So do yourself a favor and try not to get so frustrated when the needle in a haystack is, in fact, a needle in a haystack.