Is my legal adoption ethical?
I don't know if there exists such thing as an "illegal"adoption. My adoption was done legally, through a legal, ethical and well known adoption agency. I became a legal orphan at the moment someone holding the (legal) authority wrote the word: "abandoned" on a (legal) paper. It coudln't be more legal than that!
When I found my siblings 27 years after being separated, they told me that I was not abandoned. He (my dad) died three years after losing me in loneliness, not knowing where I was. Nobody went to see my family to get their consent before putting me up for adoption. I had difficulty to believe them because an adoption agency put me the label of abandonment and I believed the last 25-26 years before finding them that I was abandoned.
I said 25-26 years, and not 27 years. It means that during about 1.5 year, there were some moments where I have questioned the abandonement. My heart was saying or wanted to believe that I was not abandoned.
I was only 5 years old when my (birth) family taught me my address - in case I would be lost.
At 7 years old, I was abandoned ( I though I was). Since my mom's death at 6 years old, it was the third time that I though I was abandoned. So, I left the street where I was supposed to meet my dad without waiting him. From the police station to the first orphanage, about a week had passed and I was already thinking that I was not abandoned. I gave them (the employees of the orphanage) my address and they promised me to find my house. Four months have passed and a man (from another orphanage) came and asked the children who knew their addresses to raise their hands. I raised mine and I repeated my address. This man also promised me to search my house. In my child' s head, it was very difficult to find a house and that they did the best they could. I didn't know that they never searched my house before putting me up for adoption.
It was almost a year after my arrival, my Amother wanted me to learn my address by heart - in case I would be lost, for the same reason than my (birth) family. She was making me repeat and repeat again the address. I knew only few words of French and I was already starting to lose my English, thus I couldn't explain her it wouldn't give nothing to memorize an address. I knew by heart my adress in Korea but nobody found my house.
With time, I started to understand that an address is used to find a house. Two years after my arrival, when I read the adoption papers saying that I was abandoned without any information about my family, I started thinking that I was not abandoned. I told it to my Amom but she explained me that I had to accept the reality even if it was hurting: I was abandoned. She was right, I had to accept the hurting reality: I was abandoned by my dad and by a whole nation.
27 years of hurting reality and I found every informations (address, parent's names etc) that I gave myself at my first orphanage. The 2nd orphanage and the adoption agency didn't see the need to write them. It's still hurting. A whole nation sold me to another country.
My adoption is still consider to be legal.
When adoptive parents say: "We wouldn't want a child from an unethical adoption. We used an ethical agency, the orphanage where our child comes from is ethical. Our adoption was ethical..." I wonder what they really mean by "ethical"?
I know that prospective adoptive parents and adoptive parents want their adoption to be ethical.
Was my legal adoption an ethical adoption?