Adult aftermath

Upon request we created a new group called "Adult Aftermath", which is dedicated to uncensored private discussions about abuse in adoptive/foster families. 

The posts in this group are visible to members of that group only. Subscription is possible through manager-approval only.


revise your positions;

Of course I have not read each and every comment posted;
However, have you ever considered that there could as well be good adoptive parents out there? have you ever tried to find out about good and well mannered and God fearing adoptive parents taking good care of their adopted ones? Do you know that there are adoptive parents who assume huge responsibility of looking after children with HIV and disabilities. Could there be bad and abusive adoptive parents? yes there could be such adoptive parents as there are some natural parents are abuse their children. However, I am of the opinion that good adpoptive parents out number the bad ones. Therefore, it is my advice for you that you should revise your positions. If you have particular causes you wish to bring to light and to justice, do that in good faith. otherwise, it would be rather inappropriate and immature to go into hasty generalization. Moreover, you should respect the jurisdictions of our nations and govenrnmental organs. I have read the translated version of the Article you got about Better Future Adoption Services. It seems as though you are fault finders. I  have personally witnessed that American Adoptive parents had sent a message to a the country office of an adoption agency requesting a metter of potential abuse that may have occured here, the country of origin of the siblings adopted by the said adoptive parents, to be investigated by the concerned local police department. I have seen reports concerning children growing with their adoptive parents. I do not believe there could be any cause for adpoptive parents to adopt children and latter to hate them so much as you claim. Please revise your position; again you should be balanced in your opinions; I think you are wasting your time in categorizing adoption as the work of the demon and I also thing that it is a waste of intellect. The reason is because I think there are good and God fearing adoptive parents out there giving opportunities to children previously living under destitution.
Abraham Tigistu Beza;

hasty generalizations

I think you have a misunderstanding about our position and come to hasty generalizations about what we stand for.

The question is not if there are good adoptive parents, the question is why are there horrible ones. The comparison you make with biological parents is a false analogy. Adoptive parents are supposed to be screened, while no such measure exists for biological parents. Therefore it is not good enough that "good" adoptive parents outnumber "bad" ones. If we set our standards that low, any abuse rate under 49% would be called a success, because there are more non-abusive adoptive parents than abusive ones.

The premise of adoption is to provide a better life for children who have no parents to take care of them. At least that is claimed to be the rationale for adoption. How can we speak of a better life when there is abuse in adoptive families? How can we speak of a better life when parents are tricked into relinquishing children and the paperwork is falsified to circumvent legislation? Isn't the claim for a better life anything other than false advertizing?

Did the children adopted by Sharon and Reed Leonard receive a better life. Was the sexual abuse of the girls adopted by Lon and DeAnna Kennard somehow a gift of God? Was there a better life for the children that after a disrupted adoption were sent to Diana Lynn Groves, where they were bound with duct tape and beaten with tennis rackets?

How is it a hasty generalization to point out case by case by case by case by case what is wrong with the adoption industry?

Careful analysis of all cases we have collected over years makes it possible to draw some conclusions though, and they are not pretty.

Adoption, while claimed to be about finding families for children in need, in reality is an industry that provides children for people that want to become parents to children not born to them. That industry provides mostly healthy infants, because they are most in demand.

Just look at the break down in age of children adopted internationally:

Age Percentage
9 or older 3
5-9 8
1-4 43
under 1 46

I know there are adoptive parents who take care of children with HIV and other special needs, and they form a very small minority. Most adoptive parents want healthy infants, preferably with as little hassle as possible, and there is an industry catering to that demand. Little hassle is what makes countries such as Vietnam, Guatemala and Ethiopia so interesting for an adoption industry and that's why those countries have shown exponential growth of inter-country adoption.

In the end inter-country adoption is the transference of children from poor and very corrupt countries to rich and somewhat less corrupt countries, and it fails time and time again.

If a country is rich enough to properly monitor and regulate inter-country adoption, it is rich enough to take care of its own children, so any country that exports large numbers of children is not propertly regulating the adoption industry operating within their borders. As a result fraudulent adoption practices are rampant in nearly all countries that export lots of children.

The business model of adoption not only causes an increase of "abandonments" in sending countries, it also makes the screening process of prospective adoptive parents a farce. As long as the purchasing power of prospective adoptive parents prevails, no proper screening will be performed. What agency is going to say no to thousands of dollars of income. It's not good for business to properly screen prospective adoptive parents, as a result that screening is mostly a formality, nearly all applicants simply pass.

Given all that is wrong in the adoption industry, I don't think we are fault finders, I simply think you are one of the many apologetics of a practice that is not in the best interest of children.

One final thought. You wrote this comment in response to an announcement about our Adult Aftermath group, a private section of our website where those adoptees that were abused in their adoptive family can discuss their experiences and find comfort in recognition. Do you really object to victims having a safe place to discuss their hardship? How unempathic of you.

A brilliant example

... behold the popular attitude adult abused adoptees must face... the assumption being most Afamilies are good, nurturing, caring, protective, God-fearing/loving non-dysfunctional people, and all adoptees ought to feel glad and grateful for the second-chance [at family-life] adoption has given.  While it's important to note not all adoptive parents/family members cause harm to adopted children, it's equally important to note a) even the best adoption story leaves the adoptee in a fog that requires time to clear and resolve and b) some horrifically terrible things happen to children in agency approved adoptive homes.  Abused adoptees exist... pretending they don't have a right to give voice to their suffering or render an opinion on the adoption experience for the sake of prevention and personal healing serves no one but those who prefer to keep shameful acts a well-kept secret.

For those suffering with the nightmares, flash backs, and difficulties associated with physical, psychological, and/or sexual abuse 'gifted' by adoptive family members, PPL offers a platform that can be public, private, or both.

For those wanting to know how others fare in the adoption experience, PPL provides a platform that offers an honest and disturbing glimpse.

It's fascinating to me this platform, created by adoptees and AP's, has become so disturbing and offensive for some. 

Abraham Tigistu Beza, I thank you for reminding me why PPL was created... why PPL needs to exist, as is.

Intellect is wasted on people who believe in demons

Please revise your position; again you should be balanced in your opinions; I think you are wasting your time in categorizing adoption as the work of the demon and I also thing that it is a waste of intellect.

Oh brother. Another Christian adoption bigot, demanding that everyone else must alter their views to conform to their own personal comfort level.

Good luck with that, Abraham Tigetsu Beza.

Pound Pup Legacy