Awakenings: In Memory
Working with comatose patients is a real eye-opener. It always humbled me in ways that surprised me. Perhaps it was witnessing different family-dynamics that surprised and saddened me the most, or maybe it was the Living Dead that moved me in a spiritual way… I don’t know… but working with long-term dying patients was something I loved doing. [Call me crazy… it would not be the First time!]
How do I explain what I used to do? I can’t… not really… because most of my Nursing Care came from Gut Instinct. Professionally, I was skilled and knowledgeable. I was proud of the work I did, but annoyed with all the bureaucratic BS that went with all the Paper Work. Documentation… what a joke that was at times, especially since what NEEDED to be Documented often wasn’t because no one cared about what was written, just as long as it was Documented for law’s sake. I hated that aspect of Nursing. It’s why I won’t go Back. Good Nurses burn-out because of the BS Politics that take place between Policy and Procedure. But I digress…
Family Members are what entertained me when I was working. They become odd people, especially in a Crisis Situation. As a nurse, it was difficult to determine who was “best” for the patient’s well-being… especially if that person was on life-support. However, working on a floor where patients were there for months at a time, it was easy to learn who had Family… and who Didn’t. I think the Quality of Nursing Care a patient gets all depends on that Nurses’ Life Experience. One thing for certain… my patients ALWAYS got the BEST of me. Of that, I am proud… and why I miss working. I made a Difference, each day... even if it was giving pain med when it was needed (and not asked for it by the person in pain)... I Helped when Help was needed. That was a Gift i loved to give, and i was good at it.
I did what we weren’t supposed to do… I got Involved. [It’s why I didn’t last long in the Profession… and why I didn’t return after giving birth back in 1994.] Certain cases Involved me and my Heart more than Others. Those patients without Family saddened me the most, and depending on the case itself, those would be the cases I would try harder to spend more time with at night. Those who had Phantom Visitors… they always caught my attention. Some of my best bitter-sweet memories are from some of those Visitors I met. I loved how their Stories made the patient human and real. Those are the people who made the REAL difference… and I tried to honor that by making sure I passed-on some of the information they gave me… hoping the next nurse/shift would keep it in mind when caring for that Person. Sometimes it worked… other times it didn’t. At least I knew it always worked with Me. That’s what mattered, because it’s all that I could control.
I think now of my favoritest (yes, it's a Kerrism) cute Old Man Story who loved his Bride. I will share it… but not now. It’s too sad and sweet, and I have a splitting head ache… but Their Story deserves to be told and shared… because it’s the sweetest Love Story I ever heard and witnessed… and since they had no children, I am the only one who can Tell it.
THEIR Story is what keeps me Going. I remember it… and it keeps me Hopeful.
THEY taught me the meaning of Love… and the power it has to keep things Beautiful, no matter how ugly things appear.
I wish I could remember their names. People deserve to have their names Remembered and Preserved. At least, I THINK SO… but then, coming from a person who has not one of her Mommy-Given Names, what the hell do I know?