Sat, 2008-03-15 20:36 - Kerry
Attractive/Sexy
14% (1 vote)
Funny
14% (1 vote)
Smart
0% (0 votes)
All of these
71% (5 votes)
None of these
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 7
- Add new comment
- 224 reads
Comments
All the above thanks. Didn't
All the above thanks. Didn't know it till I got older and cleaned up... I always thought I was a piece of shit cause that was what I learned in foster care. I didn't learn how to love myself or anyone else the only thing I learned was hate and fear and that was exactly what the government wanted...... to bad it backfired and I came out completely opposite of that... no thanks to all the people in foster care who claimed to have been helping me.. the only helping they were doing was introducing my face to the floor and my body to some of the most painful moments I ever went threw..
Normal kids don't get restrained and beat to a pulp and left in a basement to starve..
So I thought after awhile I must have deserved it....
Kurious...
What helped you re-learn the value of yourself?
How? By learning who and
How? By learning who and what the people are who did this. Once I realized what evil horrible people they were I realized everything they told me was a lie. Everything they said was for their benefit not mine. I had to study the system and the people who run it very closely..
The more I learned about them and their world and their beliefs the more my own become dominant. The more I talked to others who were in foster care the more I realized what was going on and what they had done to hundreds of thousands of us in the name of their fucked up opinions..
The more I seen people who grew up in care on the streets suffering and hurting others to survive while the system sends the police to beat them and lock them up the more I realized who were the good guys and who were the bad ones...
The more the government ignored me and everyone else and continued to victimize the poor the more I realized exactly what was happening.
So that being said.. I realized I was the exact opposite of what they tried to brainwash me into thinking I was.
As I was beat repeatedly by police for being on the streets after foster care left me screwed up the more I realized how I affected others with my violence and the same savage mentality the police have.
In my head over and over rings the words...
"All roads of misery for the poor lead back to the upper-class. This is not a mistake or an accident..."
A Ex kinder-garden teacher who was on the streets and taught me to read and write said that to me the last time I seen him before he died. Due to Ottawa police beating him to a pulp and leaving him under a bridge for the public to find.. no police were investigated. Again upper-class....
[sad humble tear-filled smile]
That was beautiful.
Bizzi
Your ability to put into words, exactly what happened to you and how you survived is a great encouragement!
Your reality is also the reality of so many others in this country and it is a great shame for the whole country!
I am so sorry for what happened to you; as a former foster parent I am totally ashamed for your treatment...
There is NO excuse for what you suffered; no child deserves such harsh punishment for the sins of others.
Those who mistreated you are sinful, evil people who are to blame for any and all of your reactions.
You give me the courage to see myself other than what I was told and felt for so many years:
I see myself so differently since denouncing my evil husband and marriage for the travesty is was.
I do see myself as sexy... able to project my womanliness that was pulled in for years because of an evil
man who lied and deceived me into believing I had no redeeming qualities. I am all woman, waiting for
an all-man to help me experience what God intended to be beautiful.
Funny? I can be funny... as I allow myself to feel emotions, funny is a welcome relief from the stoic blob
that sat in a corner dying emotionally.
Smart? There are so many things that I can do but was repressed to the point where I didn't even think.
I view being smart as being able to understand a concept and knowing what to do to improve things. ...
in my situation, I NEED to be smart for my children's sake.
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
Amazing Grace
Had I not read it with my own eyes, I would have never believed these words would come from you.
No hugs, just tears.... lots of tears. You've moved mountains, woman. I am so proud of you!!!!
Amazing Grace is Unmerited Favor
I did nothing to deserve what I have received in this healing process. I only put myself out there and took seriously
what I have learned here. All of you, especially the one who has known me for a long time have shown me this grace.
I really enjoyed the words, "I am so proud of you!!!!"
My humble thanks,
Teddy
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
The Healing Process
As one who knows HOW DIFFICULT accepting change can be, opening yourself to change is such a huge effort. My friend, you deserve to take credit where credit has been earned. Pride should be yours, because you have worked very hard to reach this point. Now you are learning how to own that pride. Please don't EVER deny yourself the praise and pleasure.
Huge efforts
I think the 'hugest' effort was not giving up each time I wanted to lapse back into the old comfortable ways. Change was
what I lived as a child; nothing could be counted on for more than a year or two before the two-headed monster and her
freak packed us up and moved on... I guess the difference now is that if there is change, it is now my decision to make
that change.
Learning that I don't need a someone to always vindicate me and that I am truly safe to describe myself without fear has
been gained by all of the efforts I witness right here. But I do take pleasure lately in just accepting myself and having
hope for a future.
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
Courage, understanding,
Courage, understanding, acceptance, self value are the keys to healing. Well they were for me. What bothers me the most now... is that they are still doing to others what they did to me using good caring people like you who don't know the whole picture...and they are literally making a killing in the process....
all the while giving each other awards and pats on the back while they threaten youtube and people like me to take down the truth we post in our videos and websites.. Love yourself and then only then can you love others... But I bet you knew that already!
;)
And I gotta give credit to my other half... when the system beat me down and left me for dead.. she was there to pick me up and dust me off and put the swords back in my hands...5 years later... and CPS is on the run... I got them in court and now they are just a squirming... Love conquers all... had it not happened to me directly..I'd have never believed it.
I find it amusing how the upper-class built their entire financial world in my digital playground...