Who's who (and what) in your family?

My five year old just asked me:  "Do I have two dads?"

This question really surprised me, as the only man in my life is my spouse -- the father to all 4 of my children. I responded with, "Why do you ask?"

"Well, who is Poppy?  Who's Daddy is he? "

My heart sunk. Poppy... well, he's my dad, my adoptive dad, but now he avoids me and no longer comes to visit me and my very young children.

I never know how to discuss my adoption and my dysfunctional adoptive family with my kids... especially since there is a history of abuse and rejection my kids know nothing about.

It's difficult being the adoptee who got removed and rejected by two sets of parents and four sets of extended families.

Are there any other adult adoptees - rejected by adoptive family members - who struggle with this "who is your mommy and daddy... and who are my grandparents" conversation with your own children?

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Grandparent Rejection

The other day I took a quick google and found this entry on PPL (not sure if this correlates...but I need help).

Yes there were posts, comments and blogs about grandparents and extended family members not accepting the idea of adopting or accepting a newly arrived adoptee. Their feelings were clear from the get go.

But I found NOTHING about the AP discovering 10 +yrs later that the Agrandparent was repulsed and viewed the kids as "not real."
It comes as a shock that they revealed that the adopted children in the family are not "real members" of the family so why worried about their issues or illnesses. It seems that the biochildren in the extended family are granted higher status, but i was never aware of this and there was nothing that led unto to this type of belief. By all accounts the children, bio or adopted were treated equally...or so I thought. In fact a derrogatory comment was used to describe the children. This coming from a very educated and well mannered grandparent left me speechless and stunned.

The adopted grandparents view and sentiment is completely opposite from when the kids were babies...and now in the teen years.

Where is the treasure trove and discussions regarding the discovery 10+ years later that one's adopted kids were not as loved and wanted by the Agrandparents as one was led to believe? < sighs...>

What do I tell my kids and how do I handle this new ugly chapter with my own parents?

Pound Pup Legacy