Mon, 2008-03-03 21:06 - Kerry
Yes
18% (2 votes)
No
64% (7 votes)
I feel confident when someone shows me a lot of attention
18% (2 votes)
Total votes: 11
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Fat and 40
I turn 40 soon "Do you have confidence in your body image?"
losing the battle
I can confidently say a big fat no to this! It's probably the only thing I can confidently say. I've battled anorexia on and off since I was 14. At the end of last year it can back with a vengeance. Oh the joys of being screwed up!
repulsed
I am the queen of self-destroying choices. Food is just one of the ways I would either punish myself for not getting things right and perfect, or use to make sure I looked repulsive to others. I couldn't control what was being done to me, but I could control how I would react to something either good or bad happening around me. Food was my first choice to use in my rebellion. A person can't hurt what's already gone and dead. Problem with that is my looks didn't change my circumstances. There's a lot of sick bastards who could care less what you look like, as long as you have a place to serve as a dumping ground for another person's crap.
Someone called it a "poison container", and that's exactly what it was. I felt repulsed and poisoned by the touch of other people, so I'd starve or flush it out of my body, not knowing I was punishing myself for someone else's actions. I felt rotten, so I had to use what I had to make things different. If I looked different, maybe I would feel different. Sick thing is, shame and disgust always end-up feeling the same!
Through the eyes of others
I have always seen my face and body as reflections of what others deem desirable or even likable. If I look good, I will be kept. If I look bad, I will be dumped.
I am what I am. Because of
I am what I am. Because of the variety of people out there walking around. Everyone likes different things... Take for example.. A blond haired blue eyed model... doesn't interest me in the slightest. All woman are beautiful ALL OF THEM... they bring us children... they take care of us..(most the time... with out them we would be nuthing. For me.....stick a computer in front of her and now we are talking... Ugly is a word created by greedy people who want to feel important... but beauty and love and attraction are all separate things. Sadly most people get it all confused, despite their best efforts... and shit goes bad. If you ask me I think all the "pretty" people are their own worst enemies.. and are more then likely responsible for 8-% of their own misery... I like looking like a bum....even thou I am not... I just feel better about myself... I know I am not stepping on anyone to get a head in life. And most importantly... I love myself. If how I look is important to a person... then we won't ever end up talking... it's actually really nice... to never have to talk to people I don't know.
Just little old ladies will talk to me I don't know why it's the dambdest thing.. it's cool.. I don't mind... I guess little old ladies just have no fear, no matter how unfriendly I look. lol...
I guess If not for foster care I would have been someones grandchild....