Are these the kind of parents we would have wanted?
A couple weeks ago I had the shock of my life to discover on my wedding night that the woman I courted, loved, and married happened to be born with a terrible birth defect that basically means that she has no genitalia, only a very slight dimple to mark the spot where a whole lot more should have been.
Since that time she has managed to convince me that she honestly had not realized just how different she is from the other women. She did not knowingly attempt to deceive me. But now I am faced with the horrible decision as to what to do next. At this point I just want to know and explore what my options are.
Since our marriage is unconsummated (obviously!), I assume that I should be able to get an annulment, freeing me to marry another (correct me if I'm wrong). I would just have to, as the movie character says, "grow a new heart."
But if I do this, would SHE be able to marry another, for example if somehow she found a man who would accept her knowing of her condition, or would the very attempt be prohibited?
Given this situation, would I be obliged to have the marriage (?) annulled or could I remain in this relationship as it is now, if I so choose? I point out here that while I really was looking forward to the compensations of the marriage bed (and children), I am long accustomed to practicing perfect chastity and I feel that I can do this for the remainder of my life if necessary, living with her as brother and sister. I have acquired no unchaste habits and have had no slip-ups since I turned 19 (I am now 32, and she is 24). I love her dearly and can't see living without her, and could seriously see going this route if it is at all permissible (and then we would adopt children).
Finally, a doctor has told us that he knows a doctor who can perform an operation to give her the semblance female genitalia, thus enabling her to at least please me in the bedroom. Both of us have very mixed feeling about this. It would not give her the ability to have children so nothing would be "open to the transmission of life" and just the artificialness of it somehow seems "wrong" to us, so even if it were an option (from a Catholic moral perspective) I am not sure whether we would do that or not, but it would still be nice to know: Is that an option?