Let's talk about sex, baby
I've been reading some of the posts from the RAD I had help moderate. This one really hit home, for me. HA! Get it??? "hit", "struck me hard"... I kill myself with my inside jokes sometimes... anyhoo.. the topic is Rough Sex and the person with Attachment Disorders. Do they go hand-in-hand? If so, why?
I'm not bringing any of this up to be twisted, or to offend anyone. I'm just sincerly interested if there is a tie between attachment disorder and these kinds of relationships.
It would make sense that a person with feelings of worthlessness would be attracted to a relationship where one is treated as though they are less, because it would feel genuine to them. Also, the safty of the "written slave contract" might appeal, because it implies that there is little risk of abandonment, another huge fear for AD people.
So many of us are self injurers, I think the punishment and pain might appeal (numbing addiction), as well as the "aftercare"...because it's a way to experience attentive care and tenderness without the threat of emotional devistation feared most by someone with AD. "Brat Play" seems to emulate the "testing" AD's put people through. (and while most "normals" are very turned off by being tested constantly and eventually leave, the Sadist is arroused by it and stays to enjoy it.)
I know this is a pretty taboo topic in a lot of circles, and I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone's sensabilites. I hope the reasons I've given for my interest make sense...I'm really not trying to be sleazy here. Just deadly honest. If anyone would rather reply privately, I'd love to hear from you. (No, I am NOT interested in introducing anyone to this lifestlye, or finding a partner, ect.)
It seems to me that an attraction to masochism might make a lot of sense for some AD people, but I have to wonder if it's yet another vicious cycle increasing feelings of worthlessness and shame.
The Sadist doesn't love you. He/She is a Sadist. But I wonder if that appeals to an AD person? It's clear how damaged the Sadist is, how the Sadist struggles with intimacy. There is commonality. The lack of other options for both parties, emulates security....but I deeply fear that this kind of relationship reinforces the feeling that one is unlovable, even if it eases the feeling of being unwantable for a short time.
The factors of "almost met needs" that play in become habitual and addictive, and the AD masochist never grows to experience what they crave most...the love and acceptance of a compassionate partner. They continue to self destruct. The addictions are fed. After the urgency of physical need is met by the Sadist, or the Sadist pushes behavior too far (inevitable), the emotional shame is overwhelming. The AD masochist knows what he's doing isn't good for him, feels more guilt and worthlessness, and it creates a terrible terrible cycle.
If anyone identifies with this, or has comments, I'd love to hear them.
I'm fully aware that I might be stepping on the toes of people who are addicted to or feel content in these relationships. I am not judging. My conclusions are based on my own experiences, not those of anyone else. Please understand that.
Any feedback greatly appreciated.
Comments
Complete loss of control
I think so much of a person's sexuality is based on what was privately taught & experienced by a child, at home. If a man is gentle to his wife, and the wife is kind to her husband, Love will bond the two.
The moment one side controls the other, feelings of internal bondage will develop. What's interesting to me is HOW that sense of internal bondage manifests itself. Since the need for a safe, controlled environment is of highest human order (http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/maslow.html,) it makes perfect sense to me that Acting Out aggressive behaviors becomes a sexual act.
Passive or Aggressive behaviors.
If therapists recognize this as a co-dependent behavior, why is this aspect ignored in most single-partner therapy sessions? What happens between two adults when feelings of frustration get discussed? Almost always a sexually-oriented conversation develops. [What and where would we be without Freud, eh?]
If nothing else... if there was to be one single piece of paper that should be hunted down by political-junkie-activists, I believe it should be the New Patient History page handed-out in a therapist's office. How should it be changed? Simple. Immediately after "Name:_________ D.O.B______" The NEXT question should read as follows: "were you adopted or put in foster-care when you were a child?"
If yes... refer that client to a highly specialized sex-therapist.
If no... please fill out the rest of the information, and include you health insurance information.
If "unsure"... a therapist highly specialized in child-abandonment issues should be consulted.
Anyone?
I'd like to add:
There should also be added to that form in the New Patient History: Were you sexually abused by more than one person and were those people members of your own family?
I, for one, am searching how to have a healthy relationship. I've never had one nor have I ever known one. Most people
with the healthy relationships don't go around telling how it works for them; it just works for them...
Sex being a BIG part of relationships these days, it makes me wonder how many are out there fumbling around
blindly wondering what to do to make it right.
Like Kerry said: "I think so much of a person's sexuality is based on what was privately taught & experienced by a child, at home."
How do we get past that WRONGNESS of what we learned as a child, at home?
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
open honesty
I learned very quickly: normal well-adjusted non-sexually abused people do NOT want to deal with anything that remotely stinks of previous sexual abuse. It seems only those who get paid by the hour are willing to deal with that crap.
Had I been smart, I would have seen a guy's reaction to my confessions as a sign to NOT proceed with an intimate relationship. Instead, I thought I could put the past behind me in all the ways others wanted me to.
Life-lesson 101 for me was not quickly or easily learned: speak the truth, and stand-up for my right to be treated like a human, not an object or animal.
I'm hearing...
more and more that the healthy relationship can be found with someone who has suffered loss and abuse,
and survived. If what you say is true, and I think it is, normal, well-adjusted, non-sexually abused people have
nothing to offer us.
I'm looking for a strong and battle-scarred shoulder to share a few dark hee-haws with... at least there would
be survival in common. I used to think you were crazy to think there could be something with another damaged
soul, but now I'm giving it a lot more thought. Misery does love company.
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
Much more than misery!
I had to smile at your last statement:
From what I have experienced, people who have been hurt and scarred by the hands of others have a compassionate understanding of what inflicted pain feels like. Many of them would never wish that pain on another, and I find they do in their own sort of dysfunctional way, try to protect others from feeling that type of "out of control" pain. I think in that sense, many of us become control freaks, which is an extreme reaction to extreme sadness and a profound need for protection.
In any case, one thing I have learned from fellow miserable sufferers is this: the will to survive and become something better is truly the most beautiful example of the living human spirit you will ever be blessed to witness. I can't help but think most of those who live in dark solitary misery do not WISH to be that way, but only know that way of being because no one took the time to help them see there is bright light and life worth keeping. Like you said, having someone to share a few dark hee-haws... YES... that's exactly what makes life more fun and livable again.
The pain will always be there, but it can be lessened with a good friend who knows how to make your dark sorry ass laugh.
The pain will always be there...
But haven't you found, as you grow older, the pain is easier to ignore? I have found, in the last two years that pain
has gone from a 10 down to a 5. A five, I can live with, but the triggers are still there and push it to a 10 very quickly
if I'm not on constant watch. Just being able to recognize the triggers is a BIG plus.
Kerry said:
"From what I have experienced, people who have been hurt and scarred by the hands of others have a compassionate understanding of what inflicted pain feels like."
I like how you stated that because it really doesn't have to be the exact kind of pain endured to make another sufferer
able to be empathetic. That opens the field up a bit more.
Kerry said:
"but only know that way of being because no one took the time to help them see there is bright light and life worth keeping."
And just who, among the happy Pollyanna bunch would EVER take the time to help us see ANYTHING; as if it all belongs
to them and we are pathetic in not enjoying life as they do, so easily?
Did you ever notice that if you take the em off of empathetic, it leaves pathetic?
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
More awareness
I like the lesson in empathy... it's a much softer kinder version of the little lesson my dad taught me regarding "sympathy". He used to tell me "You know where you can find sympathy? Between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." [Warm and fuzzy he was not... in spite of all his furry body hair.]
As far as getting older, and the pain being easier to ignore... I can't say my pain has ever been easy to ignore. Once I had kids, I began seeing huge differences between their life and my own. I don't harbor bitterness as much as I feel lots and lots of sadness, and this sadness comes from knowing how many bad things didn't have to be.
For instance, I have been told to get-over certain feelings, because the past is the past. It's hard to ignore and let go of my childhood when I have kids asking me, "What did you do when you were my age?" I don't dare share with them the answers to those questions... and I found very few can relate to the life I dare to reveal. [Yes, in my case lots and lots of big and little things hurt, and that pain caused by so many has not gone away.]
As an adult, in an adult relationship, I think it's really important to communicate your feelings and big triggers (sensitivities) to those you like, especially if you value their company and don't want your actions/reactions to scare those people away. [I think of it as "emotional allergies". Like some people physically react to peanuts, I react to certain actions/reactions, and I like to warn the people around me about certain sensitivities because if a reaction does happen, they know my behavior is based on a triggered memory, and not necessarily what was said or done by those around me.]
The difficulty in this is simple: I have MANY memories that relate to certain sights, smells, sounds and facial expressions that really upset me. As I get older, I have learned it's not easy to keep me in good/happy company, and the number of those who have left me because of my reactions have only made my ability to trust others that much more rare and difficult.
I have learned loving my animal within takes strength, courage and effort. Far too many nights I have cried myself to sleep asking God: is there any adult not afraid or repulsed by me?
Lucky for me I have found a few who accept me as I am... because of them, I try very hard each and every day to become more calm and patient and less reactive and angry. (I can honestly say, the improvements in me have been HUGE!)
hand in hand
I think when a person has lost all control is his/her life, food and sex become natural obsessions.
As long as no one is getting hurt, what's the big deal? Isn't sex supposed to be done behind closed doors anyway?
Terminology and context
What Is An Obsessive Relationship?
http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/simplepsych/obsessrel.html
Although not a specific psychiatric disorder, an obsessive relationship is basically a specific type of unequal relationship.
One person tends to think about the other a lot of the time, and let the other person dominate their life, directly or indirectly.
You don't hear of too many relationships where both people are 'obsessed' and get along fine, as this is often called "love"!?!
How Do You Know If You Are In An Obsessive Relationship?
This is quite a tricky one to answer as most relationships have aspects of them that are unequal. However, in obsessive relationships, it is typically quite obvious to at least one of the people involved, that the relationship is not equal. One person, perhaps tends to like or love the other person more than the other person does.
The Obsessed Person
The obsessed person's thoughts are dominated by the other person. They tend to think of themselves as "totally in love", or "infactuated" with the other person.
They tend to arrange their lives around the other person, and act in ways that can have bad effects on both themselves and the other person. They may spend more money than they can afford on the other person, or allow themselves to be treated in ways which mean that they tend to lose their self-respect. You may hear the phrases:
Closely followed by:
Obsessed people are generally terrified that they will lose the person that they are 'in love with'. It is that fear that means they will do almost anything to not put the relationship at risk. This generally means backing down when both people disagree, or tolerating behaviour from the other person that they would not tolerate from anybody else.
Sometimes people can become 'obsessed' with someone whom they are not in a relationship with. This may be someone they know well, or vaguely, or even not at all, especially in the case of media personalities.
Many people in their teens develop 'crushes' or 'fancy' movie stars or pop musicians. This is perfectly normal. However, we have all heard of celebrity stalkers, people who develop obsessions with a particular star. These people often have complex psychological problems which may arise from forms of psychosis or personality disorder.
A History Of Obssessive Relationships?
Some people have a history of relationships whereby they are treated badly, or treat the other person badly. It seems to happen to them again and again.
If you see this pattern in your relationships then their is more than a chance that there is a problem in you. You are very unlikely to have just been unlucky.
In these circumstances the phrase "sado-masochistic relationship" is more appropriate.
Sado-Masochistic Relationships
Relationships are a two-way process, and there are circumstances when it suits both people to have a relationship in which one person dominates.
A Sado-Masochistic relationship isn't when people engage in kinky sex with whips etc (although this may be the case), but what the people 'get out' of the relationship is, either inflicting pain (the 'sadist'), or receiving pain (the 'masochist'). This 'pain' is usually mental, but can develop into actual physical pain as in domestic violence.
There are a few theories around about why people get themselves into sado-masochistic relationships, but most of the better ones (it seems to us) come from the psychodynamic school of thought.
Very basically explained, they suggest that the person has developed a 'need' to be hurt, or to hurt, which stems from a person's childhood. This can be as far back as when the person was a baby, and not just that they were brought up by bad parents, or were abused.
People with severe sado-masochistic tendencies are often categorised under the label of having a personality disorder.
Overview http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domination_%26_submission_%28BDSM%29
Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected to these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization. Human beings share with many other mammals the instinct to look up to certain individuals who become leaders through strength of will and personality, to lead or follow, and to submit or dominate. In human sexuality this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities which would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing partner taking an opposing role.
D/s is often described by what it is not. It deals with representations of brutality and cruelty, and the emotional responses to them, but adherants are quick to point out that D/s is not about acts of true brutality and cruelty. It is based on a deep ethos of mutual respect in which exploration of the emotions brought up by brutality and cruelty can take place in a safe, sane and consensual manner. D/s may be ritualised or freeform. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, with people discussing their wishes, limits and needs in order to find commonality. A D/s relationship may be sexual or non-sexual, long or short term, and intimate or anonymous. Most adherants search for the essential intensity, trust and intimacy that are required to make any deep relationship possible.
Glossary of BDSM http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_BDSM_terms
This glossary of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) terms defines terms commonly used in the BDSM community.
BDSM activities are described as play in BDSM terminology.
The BDSM term is a portmanteau acronym intended to take in all of the following activities:
D/s VS Romance in Marriage
by D.V. Leigh http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/14/10
To me there is no conflict between Romance and D/s (Domination/submission) in a marriage. At least there shouldn't be any conflict. In the examples that I am going to give in this article I hope that you will see, and agree, that a D/s marriage is not much different than a Vanilla marriage. I was going to say that the only difference is that in a D/s marriage is the rolls of the partners is more defined, but that is not really true. In the standard marriage the roles become very defined as well. (Vanilla = Standard)
The foundation of any good marriage is established in this verse of the bible, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Eph 5:21 (KJV) When I learned the meaning of this verse, and accepted it, my marriage became good, very fulfilling and satisfying. When I put the needs of my wife first in my life I became happy.
It matters little if this concept comes from the bible or not. The foundation is the same. In the ideal relationship each partner enters into that relationship with the feeling, and need, to meet the needs of the other. Should either partner enter into the relationship thinking that their individual needs are now going to be met, by the other, they are headed for trouble. Most will end up in divorce, and those that stick it out will either learn to accept the above concept or be very unhappy.
Dominant / submissive Relationships
by Sergeant Major http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/14/184
All relationships have both a domination and submission component. This is true for all types of relationships, work, and business, personal or intimate. They may vary in degree and change in roles played at any given time but remain present throughout. Even in avowed "equal" relationships there comes a time when one dominates and the other submits. Attempts at true consensus end in chaos, someone finally takes charge and a decision is reached. This may not be obvious on the surface but the dynamic is nevertheless present. It is an intellectual fantasy to insist that it not.
In the realm of sexuality, either heterosexual or homosexual, this dynamic may be overt or covert. In its covert form there is no acknowledgment of its existence, accepted by the partners but not identified as such. In its overt form it ranges in degree from simple acknowledgment to an open willingness to include various degrees of consensual non-mainstream sex play. The partners determine by agreement how much or how little of this will take place. The degrees of play involved it is always based on mutual consent.
In a true D/s relationship the following conditions exist. The submissive the offers their service to the Master/Mistress and the Master/Mistress accepts the responsibility of taking
care of the submissive. The sexual relationship has to be based on consent, caring and trust, if one or another is missing it can develop into a chaotic and violent activity causing both physical and emotional pain.
For the submissive restrictions placed on them by culture, society and religion disappear because they are no longer "in charge" or responsible for their actions. It requires and open and honest acceptance of ones sexuality and a willingness to explore further. The sex becomes a reward for the service given and is no longer simply an obligation of being in a relationship.
Dominants care for their submissives, taking on the responsibility of caring for the submissives needs as well as their own needs. A Dominant does not force an agenda on the submissive but may move the limits of the initial contract to introduce the submissive to new activities. This requires an understanding of whom the submissive is as a person and their needs and wants. Being a Dominant requires patience and maturity plus a well-developed sense of who and what they are. The submissive by selecting a Master/Mistress expects to be lead and to have their lives expanded in unexplored directions. They trust their Master/Mistress to take care of them. They have made a gift of themselves and have every right to expect a caring and protected life.
In response to the main
In response to the main post...
Sadomasochism and it's counterpart power exchange relationship actually could help those with detachment issues, worthlessness feelings and self harm tendencies. In a good relationship the Dominant party actually has the responsibility to make sure the submissive is well cared for, looked after and emotionally sound. While some play activities can be sensitive in nature to what some disorders consider symptoms, these would not be done without negotiation, caring and sometimes research.
You said:
In reality this form of relationship would encourage a feeling of self worth because while you are considered submissive and have given yourself over to the Dominant; they are to care for you and love you. A good example would be that of a dog and owner. The dog is submissive to the owner in all things and reliant on them for food, water and attention. This dog does not feel worthless if the owner cares for them and loves them and plays with them as a owner/dog relationship should. The only time worthlessness occurs in a D/s relationship is if there is abuse and that isn't accepted in BDSM any more than it is in mainstream society.
You said:
Many self injurers actually stop doing so in a loving D/s relationship. Not because they can get the pain they need from someone else but because the hole they feel the need to fill up with self harm has closed and the relationship they are experiencing is more fulfilling than anything they could do to themselves. The ritualized pain play that some participate in during a SM session is theraputic, loving and within their control to experience. The aftercare is a reaffirmation that love still exists and that the two people can share in such a powerful and intimate moment.
Someone is a masochist because they take that pain and turn it into something else; from catharsis to pleasure; as I do. You can not be masochist if the pain is only pain. That would be harm and abuse. Not what this is all about.
You said:
This is not true either. The sadist of the relationship MUST have some care and love for the person they are with or again, it's considered abuse. A sadist is only the other half of a masochist. I said before that a masochist gets pleasure or some other healthy response from pain. The same is for the sadist. He receives a healthy pleasure or feeling from the pain he gives TO A MASOCHIST.
I believe you may be confusing a lifestyle sadist with one that is criminally sadist. A criminal sadist is one that wants to inflict pain for the very reason to inflict pain. He doesn't care about the other party at all.
My partner is very secure in his intimacy and can be extremely affectionate, loving and compassionate. This only amplifies during a pain play session. His attention to my responses is also what bring him the pleasure he gets out of it. If I weren't enjoying myself, then neither would he.
--luna[KM]
Correction
Actually the quotes you took as being mine were quoted from the original text found at the RAD site
Give and Take
Would you say, then, yours is a relationship based on equal-sides of Give-Give; Take-Take? [Kinda like the more you give, the more he wants to give back to you?] ~
Kerry, That's exactly what
Kerry,
That's exactly what an exchange is, is it not? The more you give to one party, the more they want to give in return?
Even-Steven
My dad taught me, "the more you do, the more you will want to do".
It's a shame that was always a one-sided command and demand, donchya think?
Human Conditioning... we do as we're told to do...because that's what parents teach their children... Life Lessons.
Kopy-Kat-Kerry
Joined: 15 Jan 2006
Posts: 229
Location: New Jersey
Historically Good v. Evil have always been at battle. I am not one to go into a theatrical fit of emotional tantrum...
... I simply make a decision. I'm either Present and accounted for, or I'm Gone, in a vacant abysmal way of ghost-like appearance. However, internally, I feel the War being waged, and the enemy is never clearly defined, like the pirates who take over a ship run by self-serving male shrews... who is the sworn enemy? They both freighten me, for different reasons.
It takes Strength to care. I just want the clashing battle to end, so I may rest in peace, and live a life that is as calm on the outside as it is on the inside. Consistency. Is it too much to ask for?
The repeated mistake...
Kerry said:
"It would make sense that a person with feelings of worthlessness would be attracted to a relationship where one is treated as though they are less, because it would feel genuine to them."
This is the mistake I have made over and over and over... Finding the same worthlessness in yet another relationship.
I'm interested in what was being discussed here in this thread. The give/give and the take/ take of the good relationship.
I was taught to take what was given and feel my worthlessness: whether it was sex or just life.
I'm interested in the tie between attachment disorder and always picking the wrong partner, that
perpetuates the worthlessness; but I'd like to hear more about there being the ability to give/give and get/get.
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
Give-give, Get-get
To be honest, when I first posted these pieces, I was really confused, myself. After all, the parents who had sex were not the parents who raised me and my first sexual experience was not the type I could discuss with anyone -- unless of course, I was willing to press criminal charges against a family member. Before I was 16, I had been molested by many, and these were all kept secret for various reasons. [So much for safe, effective and thorough pre-screening done on adoptive families!]
Sex fascinates me because as a skill, or as a performance, I like to think I really know my stuff... but when it comes to the personal feelings and sensations I'm "supposed to experience"... well, let's just say I'm lame and belong in some sort of class for the sexually repressed and retarded.
Like you, I kept finding myself in "worthless" sexual relationships, meaning the sex I was giving seemed to be great for the guy, but I was always feeling desperate, alone and worthless.
I think much of that had to do with my understanding of relationships, in general.
For instance, growing up, there were countless of times where I thought I was giving what was wanted, only to learn the person I was trying to please was actually very disinterested or disappointed in me and what I was doing. [Not pleasing someone... gee, not too much of an issue that will come back in a future sex-life, eh?]
Worse were the times I got something right, but not right enough. There was no consistency in the messages being sent to me. Where I wanted something like, "I'll give you something good, and you'll give something good back to me", I got situations that went more like this: " I will try my best to please you, and then you tell me all that I did wrong."
So as far as "Give-give, Get-get" goes, I now see healthy relationships as being equal in terms of rewards and praise. [Does that make better sense?]
The past that disturbs the now...
can really destroy the future!
Thinking back on the fact that it was my family back then who molested me, why didn't I think about the now family
could be molesting my children? I know... stupid question. But doesn't it make sense that when it happened
to me, it could be happening now to my children? OH how I wish I had thought like that sooner!
I thought, because I was being used (in my teens), I was good in bed and knew how to please! NOT! In fact, looking back,
I was probably the worse piece my husband... WAIT! I was the ONLY piece my husband had had before he
turned to my daughter!!! What does that make me? A worthless piece of ass! In reality, I knew nothing
about sex and still don't.
Kerry said: "For instance, growing up, there were countless of times where I thought I was giving what was wanted, only to learn the person I was trying to please was actually very disinterested or disappointed in me and what I was doing."
This is exactly how I look at the sex part of my life. It was all give/take... Where is the person who is interested in a
healthy relationship? I see a healthy relationship as equal, too, Kerry. I have heard many people stating the same
thing and wondering how to even start a healthy relationship. It certainly shouldn't start with sex, should it? Sex, to
me, is the reward of the healthy relationship; the culmination of a friendship that has turned into love? For me, there
has to be love.
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy
Before"love", there ought to be "like"
I think for those who were molested as children, things like "getting to know you" and foreplay were indeed a bit lacking, if not completely insane in twisted cruelty.
When it comes to sex, I tend to think it's more important to LIKE the person I'm with. After all, the way I was taught "love"... that is the LAST thing I want someone to say to me before I was about to have sex.
The problem with "friends, first" concept is this: how do you know which friends are sex-worthy, and which friends are to remain asexual? [This is the sort of stuff that always confused me, because living without boundaries made me think all was fair in sex and feelings.]
Knowing what I know now, I would definitely wait to have sex until I knew my body was longing to react to another. [I laugh because only I know just how long that actually takes!]
Friendship...
I said that wrong! I was referring to In-Love, which has a lot to do with liking almost everything about another person.
OH, I definitely agree here! I'm looking for a good friend. I've seen enough of ?love? and before I die I want to have a
deep friendship; and maybe fall "in-love" as opposed to the flippant love-stuff.
I believe that to look at a person and truly like a lot about them is better than love, which is overrated. But I do think that
you can fall in-love with someone you deeply like.
Like: to me, is to admire qualities about a person; to be able to overlook some deficiencies because other things
mean so much more. I've never even liked a man all that much.
My friend is in-love with a man she likes immensely! And the liking part, she says, is so much fun. The word love
is entirely different from being in-love. IMO
"I can be changed by what happens to me, I refuse to be reduced by it." M.A.
One Step Up From Bottom
Teddy