I think, depending on how strong or weak the family-structure has been during the course of development, the adoptee and foster-child will always have a sense of emotional detachment dwelling within their minds when it comes to bonding with another person. How can it not? How can removal of a person's first family NOT have a permanant affect on all future relationships, throughout the lifetime of an individual?
What about the women who get wooed by them? Are they "vulnerable victims", or mistresses of another kind, hoping to master this type of roaming nature?
I am not consciously aware having fear of cheating or betrayal, nor can I recognize myself in the Casanova type. I do detach from trom time to time in relationships, but when I do so, it is much more in the inanimate world of nerdy preoccupation. When I detach I feel a need to be on my own, spend time with just my own thoughts. When I do so, I need someone else reaching out after a while, because otherwise I submerge in my own impersonal world.
For some reason I never think of betrayal, never give cheating a second thought. I know for myself I am very preoccupied with relationships, so when in a relationship I hardly ever think outside of it.
No I will eventually get out of it anyway, but it takes longer. I can stay in nerd-mode for weeks though and once I get out of it I hate everything I found so interesting while on my geek-trip. I don't want that, especially not when in a relationship, but even when I am not, it always feels cold and dead in retrospect. So I am happy when being touched and taken back to the land of the living after I've had my fifteen minutes of submergion.
I call this escape-mechnism The Abyss. It's seasonal and follows certain patterns, like certain holidays and traditions (birthdays are a prime example). Those not familiar with Adoption Issues don't necessarily follow the logic that goes with the loss felt with these periods, so after a while, it's simply easiest to keep quiet and "suffer in silence" so to speak.
Do you find this relates better to your own adaptation to personal relationships?
I guess what you describe is very much related. When in a relationship I have the tendency to forget most about myself and prefer relationships that are very intense, otherwise I won't attach at all. From time too time though, I need to escape to my solitary inner world.
Abyss-Time has no limit or schedule; it's more like a process that ebbs and flows into solitary awareness. It's dark and alone, and often depressing, but it's singular nature is very insightful, and if done properly, huge personal growth and maturation can come from it.
From the female perspective, I think it's easy to think of a mate leaving, especially if pregnancy becomes an issue. Being "left alone" is how so many of us became into being adopted!
Comments
Braced from the beginning
I think, depending on how strong or weak the family-structure has been during the course of development, the adoptee and foster-child will always have a sense of emotional detachment dwelling within their minds when it comes to bonding with another person. How can it not? How can removal of a person's first family NOT have a permanant affect on all future relationships, throughout the lifetime of an individual?
For further reading, and real-life association, there is a related article/poll that can be found here: "Can Casanovas ever really commit?" http://marriage.families.com/blog/can-casanovas-ever-really-commit
Remember, though, for the child relinquished by both parents, "love" has no bias or gender-preference. Both-sides got lost to strangers.
'sociopathic sex addict'
Careless Casanovas?
Detached Emotionless D-Heads?
What about the women who get wooed by them? Are they "vulnerable victims", or mistresses of another kind, hoping to master this type of roaming nature?
The Today Show episode from which the Casanova Query comes is here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22330315/?GT1=10645
the box
I am not consciously aware having fear of cheating or betrayal, nor can I recognize myself in the Casanova type. I do detach from trom time to time in relationships, but when I do so, it is much more in the inanimate world of nerdy preoccupation. When I detach I feel a need to be on my own, spend time with just my own thoughts. When I do so, I need someone else reaching out after a while, because otherwise I submerge in my own impersonal world.
For some reason I never think of betrayal, never give cheating a second thought. I know for myself I am very preoccupied with relationships, so when in a relationship I hardly ever think outside of it.
Failure to reach or be reached
What happens if the other person fails to reach when you detach into your nerdy inanimate world? Will you remain there, untouched?
getting out of it
No I will eventually get out of it anyway, but it takes longer. I can stay in nerd-mode for weeks though and once I get out of it I hate everything I found so interesting while on my geek-trip. I don't want that, especially not when in a relationship, but even when I am not, it always feels cold and dead in retrospect. So I am happy when being touched and taken back to the land of the living after I've had my fifteen minutes of submergion.
Your own escape-mechanism
I call this escape-mechnism The Abyss. It's seasonal and follows certain patterns, like certain holidays and traditions (birthdays are a prime example). Those not familiar with Adoption Issues don't necessarily follow the logic that goes with the loss felt with these periods, so after a while, it's simply easiest to keep quiet and "suffer in silence" so to speak.
Do you find this relates better to your own adaptation to personal relationships?
inner world
I guess what you describe is very much related. When in a relationship I have the tendency to forget most about myself and prefer relationships that are very intense, otherwise I won't attach at all. From time too time though, I need to escape to my solitary inner world.
What does your abyss time look like?
The Abyss
Abyss-Time has no limit or schedule; it's more like a process that ebbs and flows into solitary awareness. It's dark and alone, and often depressing, but it's singular nature is very insightful, and if done properly, huge personal growth and maturation can come from it.
From the female perspective,
From the female perspective, I think it's easy to think of a mate leaving, especially if pregnancy becomes an issue. Being "left alone" is how so many of us became into being adopted!