What do you know about good adoptive parenting?
Ask the average person, "What do you know about adoption?" and more than likely, the response will reflect a sentiment that shows a superficial knowledge of child-placement, and the business that goes behind the selling of children to other families within our society. In the microcosm of Adoptionland, there are laws based on contract-agreements, and deals made during times of duress, and as we all too often see in Adoptionland, there are profit-making agendas that keep putting the immediate desires of the highest bidders before the long-term needs of children that have become little more than poorly handled cargo, trafficked to whatever place that child is told to go.
There are consequences to this type of maltreatment given to children, and I believe oftentimes, the consequences of poor treatment given to a child are quickly seen through an adopted child's behavior, given some time. As such, it is of no surprise that many-an-adoptive parent has seen some of the well-hidden unfamiliar/unwanted behaviors kept by a child, and takes the seemingly very unwell child to the doctor, just to make sure, as the agency had promised, the child who came with so many costly fees, is indeed, normal and alright, and exactly as promised.
For many new, frightened, and totally unprepared adoptive parents, they are told, "All the adopted child needs is a lot of love" or, "All the child needs is a period of adjustment, followed by some rules and some discipline". Rarely are the newly frightened adoptive parents ever told what could be causing sudden scary behaviors, (like head-banging, or the hoarding of food, or the eating of feces) because rarely does any one really know what is taking place, for each child, as each is queued and prepped for delivery, via, the arduous adoption process.
This absence in transparency and monitoring, for the sake of each child put out for adoption really maddens me. So few seem to know what takes place behind the scenes of the adoption scheme, because far too many people profiting from an adoption fear the risks full-disclosure and transparency could mean to a prospective adoptive parent.
Over and over I hear how unprepared an adoptive parent feels when it comes to the real blood and guts needed to be a good adoptive parent. I wonder if that's what my own adoptive mother felt, once the novelty of having a new highly responsive baby became less enthralling and a bit more difficult, what with the toddler years, and the years that brought many questions. There were many times I truly believed my adoptive mother did not know what she was doing with or to me. I used to blame my adoptive mother's inability to care for me, as I needed to be watched and cared for, as a sign of her own selfishness and weakness. But I must admit, the more I learn about the way in which children are treated in orphanages, children's homes, and really poorly run foster care, the more I have come to see this universal sad conclusion: more often than not, child protective services, and the adoption industry, as we know it, keep failing not only the children in-need, and those who get adopted, but all the many different parents, out there, trying to do what they can with what they have been told to do.
This failure is a trend that needs to end.