Thoughts on Placement
Submitted by Mary on Mon, 2007-10-22 03:22.
At the inception of all placements are placed thoughts ...
"You have nothing to offer this baby" (not even me? ... I must be of no worth to my child)
"Your baby needs a mother AND a father" (read: adoptive parents)
"Welfare is a dead end for you and your baby" (as if the mother would need such assistance interminably)
"Welfare mothers are the scourge of society" (this is usually unspoken but felt as thick as smoke... heap on the shame)
"It is in the best interests of this baby to go to a loving, stable, secure home" (as if you don't love your baby more than anyone else in the world but that isn't worth anything). Years later you find out it was the most important thing and would have been worth its weight in gold in terms of emotional stability and security (think Erickson) for your child.
Who really does the placing?
Placed thoughts... placed by whom and why?
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Just a simple thought...
I think this sort of Adoption Prioritization needs to be re-evaluated and the "social work" behind the error of it's ways needs to be replaced by (a new system) Wholistic Care that shows, demonstrates and proves there is indeed an interest in the entire family... married or not.
After all, what life lesson does a child learn if "FAMILY" itself can be broken and replaced, without a single-trace?
Has the "Closed Era of Adoption" meant nothing to anyone?
I would pray to God ALL our living sacrifices have meant something, in the whole scheme of things. Wouldn't you?
Nurse-Family Partnership
Actually Kerry, forget about social work. Read about a program that works, Nurse-Family Partnership:http://www.nursefamilypartnership.org/
Nurses are partnered with expectant mothers (who meet certain criteria) beginning in their second trimester, and visits continue until their child is two years old. They have found many positive results with this program, that's why they continue funding it, and why it continues to grow. Look around the pages a bit. We have this program locally and I've put an application into a recently opened position. It's actually a nurse educator position. Wish me well.
The best of all possibilities!
Oh Mary! What a great find!! Please keep us updated and posted on your progress, and as always I wish you the very very best!
I couldn't imagine a happier more wonderful job in the world, than helping new mommies keep their babies and families intact!
Promising
Hi Mary,
Excellent find. I didn't know about this organization, but what they do and stand for reads really well. I found the following article about the founder David Olds. Success with you application.
Compare and Contrast Organizations: Keep your eye on the Prize!
I can't help but compare the Nurse-Partnership program to one that has been busy for YEARS:
That would read much better if there wasn't a $300 non-refundable application fee required from each potential customer interested in using the services from this specific Hague-Hugging agency.
BTW, this organization accepts donations, too. Ain't that sweet of them? If almost all the donated money was in fact going to the children, would they still need to be sent away through international adoption -- the more costly option available?
In any case, knowing how so many adopted children end-up being abused and mistreated anyway, I tend to think this Nurse-Partnership Program is a much better idea. At least first-time mothers should be given a chance to love and care for their babies. After all, birthing may come naturally, but I don't think good parenting does.
Promising
Thanks Kerry and Neils. I'll surely let you know. You are the first people I've mentioned this to (besides my husband). It feels like there is this wonderful bird flying around in the sky up there and I'm just waiting and hoping that it might become a bird in the hand. I'm very excited about this prospect.
A couple of months ago I called the nurse director of the local program to network about resources for a mother I was visiting through my homecare agency. We're primarily peds but we also see mothers, for example for post-partum assessment (especially when depression is a concern). Anyway, we spoke a little and I expressed my interest in the N-FP program. Though this wasn't my reason for calling her, I'd been wanting for months to somehow get to talk to this person and let her know of my interest. She told me they had just hired a couple of nurses, but that there was going to be another position posted in October and would let me know when the position was posted. The postings are only online, and they go through the local hospital system. So last week I found the posting up, and applied. I was kind of down, because she hadn't called me. But a few days later, she did call me! She called to notify me that the position was now open for external applicants (people not currently employed by the hospital's health system). Apparently no one applied internally. I told her I found it posted and applied a couple of nights prior (eager beaver). I must have found it the day it went external. But now I have to wait for it to process through their system and hope to hear from her.
Thanks Neils for the article about David Olds. I hadn't seen that before. Will be reading it.
Placement comparisons
I purposely chose to place The Welcome House next to the organization for which you wish to work because there is such stark contrast between the dealings with same types of women, children and issues, both systems try to address. One organization goes to the home , and one takes a child to a new home. Sadly, you can quickly see there are also two vastly different ways these organizations are being supported and accepted in society, as well. Which is better for mother and child -- and society?
Not that many people are familiar with The Hague's connection to the U.S.A. yet. That's because International Adoption is not at all regulated or standardized like the trade it really has become. Governments don't like to admit this, so it's not openly discussed; it's simply sold and supported in other ways and means (spelled "health care and human interest".)
Not enough attention to family safety and it's maintenance is given to our own backyards. For some reason, American's feel it's better to peer over to the next person, to see how "he's doing" before he sees his own mess.
Why? I have no idea. Seems to me, our own homes, our own yards and towns should be the first place we look for signs of trouble and danger when it comes to ANY child's safety.
There are those who work to serve and protect, and those to profit. As adults, we all deserve to make a reasonable income to support our own families... but when profit crosses borders and margins at the sake of parents and children, one has to wonder, "What the hell is wrong with this world?"
Roelie Post talks about International Adoption
By Ashleigh Elson
02-11-2007
http://www.radionetherlands.nl/thestatewerein/otherstates/tswi-071102-intnladoption
So, what rights do children caught up in crisis situations have? We asked Roelie Post. Post worked for the European Commission on the reform of Romania's child protection for many years and is the author of Romania: For Export Only.
Port wasn't surprised to hear about the Zoe's Ark situation and compared it with the international adoptions that happened during the tsunami crisis in 2005. She says children should be helped in their own country."
Many people believe that Zoe's Ark has the best of intentions, but Post says she's heard this argument before:
"NGOs create this wrong image of children in poor countries, saying that they are abandoned orphans and that they need to be rescued. Most of the children - including in Darfur - have at least one parent, have extended family, and are part of a community. They are not orphans, they are not abandoned and therefore they should not be rescued."
According to Post, there aren't actually many true orphans. In cases where war and HIV/AIDS have left children without parents, the children are usually looked after by relatives and by their community.
"This is where the support should go - to helping local communities look after the real orphans. And not what a lot of NGOs are doing, setting up orphanages and taking children out of their communities and villages. That makes children vulnerable, it isn't a good way to live. And from there often comes the suggestion that children would be better off in another country in a nice family. But experience worldwide has shown - and the international community has always agreed - that children are best off in their own surroundings."
Post says, based on her experience in Romania with people who were involved with international adoption, she's not optimistic that the Zoe's Ark people are as naive as they might seem.
"One must not forget that there is an enormous demand for children in the western world by people who want to adopt. And this market is demand-driven… One should really wonder if this is the right way to go and how far people are innocent.
placement comparisons
One organization goes to the home , and one takes a child to a new home.
Yes... this is the stark contrast between the purposes and actions of the two organizations. One supports the newly created family, even if that family only consists of a mother and her baby (if the father skipped out on them), while the other annihilates the original family in order to create a new, supposedly superior, family.
Sadly, you can quickly see there are also two vastly different ways these organizations are being supported and accepted in society, as well. Which is better for mother and child -- and society?
I think children prefer not to be taken from their mommy, or to lose their daddies either. And as the Good-Bye video showed, mothers really don't want to lose their babies or children either.
Given the commercial demand for infants to adopt, adoption organizations will go to lengths to rationalize to the gullible public what they do (in misplacing babies and children).