Pound Pup Legacy

I'm so mixed up in this mess that I don't even make sense to myself anymore.  I'm hit from all sides.  I have empathy for all sides and it takes a lot out of me.
To care so deeply for the abused as well as the abuser; to see the side of the adoptees as well as the side of the adopter
makes my mind stretch in all different directions just screaming for something to bring it all together and make sense. 

I just don't feel anything positive or happy.  I desire nothing.  I just exist.  I don't allow myself to be happy or desire anything; to me that would be wrong.  Where did this really come from?

I adopted 7 special needs babies from overseas... and I thought myself to be a good woman. I home schooled and spent so many hours teaching them to sing and we would go to nursing homes and churches and they would sing... and I thought myself to be a good woman. My husband rejected me and I just sucked it up... and I thought I was a good woman. We were always in church... and I thought I was a good woman.

And just as full of bitterness as before:

I found my kids doing something that really triggered me.... they were playing the "Fall-Back Trust Game"

I remember playing that "game" as a kid.

I remember being dropped or "missed" many times, too.

I try not to use my past as the measure all people will act/react... but damn it to hell...

Well, let's just say my kids are teaching me how trust can exist within a family unit.

I pour my heart out, but obviously in the wrong place.  I search for answers, but obviously in the wrong place.  I just
give up.  Teddy is over and out...  Teddy is gone...
Thanks guys, but this is not my cup of tea. 
Good bye,
Teddy

When speaking of protection, the children and families of Sex Offenders are almost always ignored.

Regarding the Adam Walsh Act:

The expanded registration requirements (under the AWA) lengthen duration periods which proliferate the impact of SORN laws on family members.

For years my response to the sexual abuse was to act out sexually.  Sexual feelings were stirred in me at a VERY early age: 4 years old.  And before anyone jumps on me and says that's not possible; well, it is possible because we are all born as sexual beings: sex is a part of life.

I've been reading alot about false allegations of sexual abuse , and how it is rare for a child to lie about something that did take place.  However, I think there are many reasons why a victim will use another person's name when making a confession.

Below is a story that I'd like to share so others can see how there can be much truth behind a false allegation. [Names are withheld to help protect the identity of victims involved.]

And the evening and then this morning are finally over.  They are playing with their games; and that's exactly why I bought them, to keep them entertained so we can just get this over with and on to another year.  Bah  Humbug!